The Universe and I

Twin Brothers serve in U.S. Army Together

2010-07-24T14:20:00.004-04:00

Here is my article and photo I submitted to The Logan Banner, which was published on Friday, July 23rd, 2010.

Twin Brothers Serve in U.S. Army Together

Brian Coyle joined the Army right after high school graduation.
His twin brother Brandon, who dropped out of school at 16 and got a G.E.D., followed him in. “I didn’t see many opportunities for a kid fresh out of school with no real training,” says Brian, now 22 and an electrician, “and decided to go into the army to take advantage of the education they offer.” “I didn‘t see any hope for me at all” Brandon, a tank mechanic, added. “I was going down a path of self destruction, partying all the time because there was nothing else to do. I worried about Brian joining the army because we’ve never really been separated and wished I could go with him. So I joined up too.”

While their reasons for joining differed, both are happy with the decision. Brian, who is currently in Iraq, plans on leaving the Army when his enlistment is up and sees a lot more on the horizon than he did just a few years ago. “I have a few ideas as to what I want to do after my ‘hitch’ is over,” he says. “I’m much better prepared at this point.” He talks about his new wife Amanda, and his new car, a stick shift. “The only problem I have right now is convincing her that a manual transmission is best,” he laughs.
Brandon, stationed in Kansas while awaiting his second deployment and with a young son at home, decided to re-enlist for 6 more years. “I can’t see me having better opportunities than I do now, and I want to be able to give a good life to my son David.” He says. “I’ve made some good friends here and I really like what I do. I never thought I’d like it this much, but I do.”

While the brothers don’t get to see each other as much as they would like, they get together with the rest of their family at every opportunity. They point out the spot where they used to skateboard as kids, and talk about the ramp they built one year over summer vacation. They share a beer and a laugh about convincing their dad into getting a tattoo. “Never thought I’d see that day”, laughs Brandon.

Both have done a lot of growing in the few years they’ve been in the Army, but Brian can’t wait to get back to civilian life. “It’s been fun” he says, “but it’s time for me to move on to the next phase of my life.” he says.
Brandon is happy where he is. “I’m probably the last guy you’d think would be a career soldier,” he says. “but it’s not about me now, it’s about my son. I want him to be proud when he points me out to somebody and says ‘that’s my dad’…that means something to me.”

The Sample

2010-07-06T15:07:00.000-04:00

Tree of a Kind

I'm reposting this blog for folks who wondered what post I used for a writing sample. The editors of the paper told me to submit stuff like this to magazines...

I have known some pretty good plants in my life. A few decent shrubs too. But, I like trees the best. I've spent a lot of time under trees, gazing upwards to a blue summer sky. I spent an equal amount of time up in the trees looking down at the leaf littered ground as well. No better place to be on a spring morning, especially if you were supposed to be someplace doing something responsible for once. "For once" always came after "responsible", especially when Dad said it. "Can't you be responsible for once and take out the trash without my telling you to do it?" or "Don't you think you could be responsible for once and clean up your room?" or "Is it too much for me to ask of you to be responsible for once?" If Dad actually knew all the things I was responsible for, I'd still be grounded. I liked the old pine trees behind the house the best. They were large, tightly packed trees, with about six feet from the ground to the bottom branches. You saw nothing but green if you looked to the sky under them. You could also, if you were so inclined, climb up to the second or third layer of branches and walk around between the trees. It was "instant tree house", just add a bunch of insane nine year olds.

I also have seen the bad side of trees, you know the ones, they let you climb up, but getting back down is akin to rapelling down the side of a skyscraper without the benefit of actually being attatched to a rope. That was the feeling I got, at least, when I shinnied out on a branch to tie up a rope swing for my friend Rick's little sister. The branch looked much safer and inviting from beside the trunk, but after getting out in the middle, it didn't seem like such a good idea. The branch was way thinner than I thought, and there weren't any nearby branches to steady myself with. I was stuck. A precarious predicament indeed for a guy in his early teens, made much worse by the catcalls of my friends below me. A chorus of hoots and hollers and taunts of "Never seen a bird that ugly before!" and "I'd hate to meet the dog that tree'd you!" and "You want us to ask your mom to bring you your dinner up tonight?"

Trees are great, but I'm no tree hugger. Sap is hard to get out of clothes, and besides, it makes you all sticky. And hugging trees is a good way of geting bit by some strange bug, or getting a bad scratch from the rough, scaley bark.
Good thing about a trees is, it's bark is worse than it's bite.

Personal Note About a New Job

2010-05-21T12:23:00.004-04:00

Quitting my job with the state to work at my local newspaper. I thought I started Monday, but in fact its Tuesday. I'll be in circulation (not delivery LOL), and I'm hoping it will lead to bigger and better things with my writing. At the very least I'll get valuable insights into the behind the scenes of a small town rag, and if nothing else I should get ample fodder for my stories.

I liked my job, but they wanted to make me work on the weekends and be off during the week, and working nights like I was, the weekends were the only time I got to see my wife, because we were off on the same days. She on dayshift through the week and I on nights pretty much kept us apart the rest of the week. I'd never see her the other way, so when I got the chance to switch jobs at the same time they decided to take my days off, I took it. Besides, I'll be working day shift now, so I can see the ol' lady all week long again.

I was starting to feel bad, depriving her of the glory of my presence, but I'm feeling much better now. :D

Keep your stick on the ice ;)

Survive! Pt. 8

2010-05-19T09:30:00.005-04:00

It wasn't long before it became apparent to Randy and Jess that the "road" they were on hadn't been used in a very long time. At the site where the plane hit the road, though rutted, was relatively smooth. But it was near the top of the ridge, and though the land was covered in grass, it had relatively few trees or rocks. A half mile around the ridge where the road dropped of back into the forest was a different story. They hadn't made it far before they started seeing saplings growing in the road. And some rocks..., small at first but the farther they went, the bigger they became. A textbook example of man made erosion, years of weather on the hastily cut passage had taken its toll. A mile into the trek and the road was little more that a path they could barely discern among the underbrush.

Jess and Randy found a good rock to rest on for a few minutes. "Wonder how long we've been at it?" mused Randy. He'd never really been a fan of wrist watches, so he didn't wear one. "It's been awhile," Jess said. He pulled a watch with a broken wrist strap from his pocket, gave it a quick glance, and shoved it back in. "3 hours, and we're not doing so well on speed either, I'm guessing we've barely averaged a mile and a half an hour, and I'm beat." "Uh, Jess..." began Randy, "I, uh, I don't thing I'm as happy with this plan as I was a little while ago..." Randy wasn't looking at Jess, he seemed to be intently studying his shoes. "I mean" he continued, "this is a lot tougher than I thought, and what if we don't make it? Or get lost? I think we should go back before it gets dark..." Jess sat silent for a minute.

"I'm scared too bro," he said. "but I don't think we have a choice. I think they are looking for us in the wrong place." He looked over at Randy, still studying his shoes. "They figured out we didn't make our destination, and started looking, sure, but have you seen a plane or helicopter or anything since we've been on the ground? My guess is they're looking along our flight path, and didn't count on us going down trying to fly around a storm." Randy nodded. "Sure, we could wait until they find us but what about Jeff? We made the right decision, and we might have to walk all night. I'm willing to walk all over West Virginia if I have to." Randy looked up and nodded in agreement again. "Besides, we have to get back to civilization soon..." said Jess. Randy gave Jess a puzzled look. "Why?" he asked. "Because," said Jess, "I gotta go, and leaves for TP is not an option..." Randy bust out laughing, and so did Jess. "You ready?" asked Jess. "Yep, I'm right in front of you!" grinned Randy.

Steve hung up the phone and went back out to the radio shed. Dad wasn't there. He wanted to tell dad that he'd reported the strange signal. Rick came in the shed a few seconds later. "Hey Steve, you seen dad?" he asked. "No, I was looking for him too", Steve replied. "he asked me to report a signal I picked up on my scanner, he said he thought someone was fooling around on an emergency channel." "Emergency channel?" asked Rick. "Yeah, you know, like for ships and planes and stuff" said Steve. "Hey, Terry from school said he heard a plane flying low yesterday, out past the old mines, but then suddenly he didn't hear it anymore...." Rick remembered. "Did it crash?" Steve asked, a little excitedly. "No," said Rick, "he just said it was odd to hear a plane out there, he heard it and then I guess it went over the mountains and he didn't hear it anymore." "Oh." said Steve. "Well, if you find dad, tell him I reported that signal" Steve asked. "Will do" Rick called over his shoulder as he headed for the house.

Willie was up with the sun. "May as well get up," he thought. "not gonna get much more sleep anyways..." he mumbled out loud, to no one in particular. He drank a cup of coffee and tossed his back pack in the jeep. He'd go wander around the woods awhile. "To commune with nature, if you will..." is how he'd say it, were there anyone around to talk to. He was glad it didn't frost, the heater in the old jeep isn't what it used to be. Five minutes later, he was getting a coffee to go at the local drive through, and five more after that he was headed out of town.

He thought about the first time he went to the old mine as a kid. He thought Pops was going to literally explode when he found out. He chuckled now, but at the time he thought he was about to be killed,. "Never go around those old mines!" Pops bellowed. "You could get killed around one of those places and no one would ever know where to go look for you!!" That was the gist of it. Willie wasn't about to tell him that he didn't actually go in the mines, he just liked to hang out near the buildings, there was something about the pure solitude of the place, he'd never seen any place so...quiet. He spent the rest of that summer "grounded", not allowed to go past Butler's Bridge, a quarter mile away from home.

He turned off on the old dirt road, and was surprised to see a truck parked in the wide spot where the dirt road ends. He parked in behind and grabbed his bag. He reasoned other folks liked to explore the woods as much as he did, and headed down what was left of the road on foot towards the old main gate of the mine. He heard them before he saw them, actually. After passing through the gate, he turned towards the old bath house when he heard a crash in the old office building. He ran over to the door. "Hello? Anyone in here?" he pushed the door open a little a stepped inside. "Is everyone OK? I heard a crash..." His last sentence fell off as he saw the two guys come out of one of the back offices. one had a large pair of cutters, and the other was holding a thick strand of cable. Willie suddenly wished he'd picked a different area to explore. The copper thieves walked closer. "Who are you?" the guy with the cable strand demanded. He was holding the strand like a club, and Willie slowly began backing out the door again. "Now wait a second, guys..." he said.

Riley spent the night staring at grids on a map. He poured over every inch until his eyes couldn't focus anymore. They had to have missed something. "This is a relatively straight forward flight path," he thought. "We should have found them by now. We should have found something by now..." his thoughts trailed off. "They'd picked up no signals,... had no visual sightings..." echoed the report in his mind. "...resuming the search at dawn..." Dawn was nearly five hours ago. He remembered the look on the face of the young man sent in to update him. "He looked like he thought I was going to bite his head off," Riley remembered. At the time, he probably looked like he could have. Now, he was waiting for the next batch of updates.
Somehow, Riley drifted off...

"Sir?" It was the young man again. "Sir? We just got a report that a boy near Whittsville received a brief signal from an ELT on the old 121 channel." Riley jumped up. "Where?!"
"Whittsville sir." The young man repeated. "What time?" Riley was turning to the map as he asked, marker already in hand. "Sometime this morning sir, but it wasn't reported to the FCC until about a half hour ago. We just now heard from them." Riley made a few marks on the map. "Of course!" he thought. "They must have been trying to go around that big storm!" Riley quickly jotted out some coordinates on the map, and copied them on a piece of paper, which he shoved in the young man's hand. "We can't track that band with satellites anymore, but we can still use equipment in our choppers as well as our hand held equipment to pick it up! Send a chopper there, and notify the Whittsville police! Let's see if we can locate that signal!!"

Survive! Part 7

2008-04-09T16:47:00.009-04:00

After many eons in limbo (and freshly edited for spelling), I give you part 7.

Almost Alone

The boys hadn't slept well. The fog moved in around 4 a.m., giving everything an unearthly glow in the light of the dwindling camp fire. Daylight brought relief in the thought that they'd lived through the night. As soon as they could see, Allen retrieved the maps he'd found in the plane.

He shuffled through them until he found what he was looking for.
"Here's the map I told you about." Allen said, and handed the map the Randy. Randy looked it over and showed Jess.

"Looks like an elevation map, showing all the hills along the flight path..." Randy stated. "Here's Beckley, so some of the other towns are marked too."

"Which is a good thing, the map doesn't show roads or streams but at least we can get an idea of where we are and what direction I need to go in to find help." Jess said. "All I have to do is find the closest town, grab the compass to make sure we're going in the right direction, and start walking. Even if I don't hit the town, I'll find a road going to it..."

Allen, who didn't want to spend another night in these hills as badly as the rest said, "So..., I guess we've decided to walk it?" He gestured over his shoulder, "I don't think Uncle Jeff is up to the trip, and I'm getting worried, he's been out way too long." Allen said. Randy nodded and looked over at Jeff, still unmoving on his makeshift bed by the fire.

"Randy and I can do it, we can walk,...what, maybe 4 miles an hour?" Jess asked.

"Sure, I'd think we do do at least that..., lets look at the map again." Randy said, taking the map back from Jess. "We can try to head back towards Beckley, but I think we may be somewhere in this area here," Randy pointed at the map. "If were are here, then the old road we tried to land on kinda goes in the general direction of..." He stopped to consult the map, then continued, "This little town, Whitt Creek,... its a little closer, and from looking at the elevations on the map, it looks like it would be an easier walk too, not as many big mountains to hike over."

Jess looked over the map with Randy and said "Looks like about 20 miles if you follow the map key, what do you think, 5 or 6 hours we should be someplace near civilization?"

"Sounds about right.", Randy replied.

The plan was hatched, and the guys prepared to split up. Jess looked at Randy and said "Grab another shirt for warmth just in case, and don't forget a knife and the compass." Randy kind of looked at Jess, but did what he asked. "He's not sounded like that in awhile..." he thought. "Not since his dad left."

Jess' dad was a group leader in the Woodsmen Society before he and his wife split. But after that, he began missing meetings, and then missing outings,... and then, he just didn't come around anymore. Jess was confused, and felt left out. Both at home, and with the club too. And, when some of the trolls of the group began whispering and spreading rumors, Jess quit as well.

He had been steadily growing more and more detached, and didn't hang out much with the guys anymore. Randy thought it some sort of miracle Jess accepted the invite to come on this trip, and figured after the crash that Jess would likely never come out of his room if we made it back to civilization. Except Jess wasn't going along with it. Something happened in him somewhere, like a big neon sign being switched on, and the Jess he used to know was suddenly standing there.

"What are you looking at?" Jess asked, and he began looking down his shirt to see if there was a huge bug on him or something. Randy snapped out of it and said "Sorry, I was thinking, we need to travel light to go as quickly as possible...." Jess agreed, and said "Well, all those charity walk-a-thons we did for the WS were good training for distance, but not for this terrain," and looked around. "I hope we aren't screwing up here, but the way I see it, we don't have much of a choice at this point." Randy agreed. Allen came back from checking on Jeff. "Be careful guys," he said. "And hurry, I'm not sure Jeff can hold out much longer." Grimly, the boys shook hands with Allen, then started up toward the worn old trail they hit with the plane.

Allen watched as they hit the road and struck off toward Whitt Creek and realized he was almost alone. He made sure his uncle was still OK, and went to the wrecked plane. Looking through the stuff scattered around in the back of the cockpit, he noticed a black box hanging out from under the seat, and connected by a cable. It was marked "ELT", and had a toggle switch on it. Allen guessed this was the emergency beacon and flipped the switch, first one way, then the other, several times. Nothing seemed to happen. "Broken!" he sighed. he flipped the switch once more before tossing the box onto the back seat and continuing to search through the plane...

Steve was showing his dad the repaired scanner when a strange squeal suddenly came over the unit. Then it was off. Then it came back, then...off again. Steve gave his dad a puzzled look. Then, the squeal came back, and this time, it stayed on. "121.5 Megahertz..." said dad. "Hit the block button and see if the other channels are clear" dad instructed. Steve hit a button and the unit instantly began scanning, ignoring 121.5, but then stopping on a fire call dispatch for the other side of town. "Seems to be OK, just that one channel..." Steve said "Do you think its a signal of some kind?" Dad wasn't sure. "We'll have to look that frequency up in the list and see who owns it," he said. Steve grabbed the book of FCC stations and frequencies from the shelf behind them and began to scan the pages. "Dad! It says here that 121.5 is an emergency channel, but it hasn't been monitored by satellite since February of last year..." "A signal on an obsolete channel?" dad said. "Probably someone messing around,... still they shouldn't be on that channel. You should report them, Steve." "Me?" Steve asked incredulously. "Why me?" Dad looked at him and said, "Well, its your scanner..., if you found someone doing something illegal, it's your responsibility to report them."

Steve looked at the scanner and unblocked 121.5. Immediately, the scanner stopped on that channel, and began the high pitched whine again. "O.k. dad," he said. "I'll turn it in."

Survive! Part 6

2008-04-08T16:01:00.003-04:00

Just Out of Reach

The headlights fell on the old cabin, right where it ought to be. Willie was glad his dad kept this old place on the New River. The family used it for hunting and fishing, but Willie liked to come up here and escape the world. It was a long drive up, and he figured on getting some rest and then taking the Jeep up into the hills. Maybe do a little exploring around one of the old abandoned mining towns. He grabbed his bag from the back and went inside. He lit an oil lamp and made his way to the fireplace. He had plenty of fire wood and everything looked clean and ready to go.

"Pops been here lately," he thought to himself. His dad loved the old place and insisted that anyone who used it kept it up, and he was here at least once a month so no one dared not follow orders. If you didn't do your share of the cleaning and upkeep, you didn't use the cabin. Period. Willie reasoned that was only fair, why should dad be responsible for cleaning and restocking the cabin for everyone else? Everything was extra clean though, so that meant Pop was the last person here.

Willie settled in and tried to relax in front of the fire place. He just couldn't manage to do it though. His mind kept drifting, drifting back to why he was there in the first place. Judy loved Willie. He knew she did, she told him all the time. But, she couldn't live that way, from check to check. She needed security, for herself and the kids. She tried to stay with him, she really did, and he appreciated her for staying as long as she did. But after he was fired from the airfield, well, she had to go. He completely understood, but that didn't make it hurt any less. He tried to keep the bills under control but made too many bad decisions and had to big an attitude to hold onto a decent job. Had being the important word there. He sat there, a truly humbled man. He'd been trying to change for a long time, controlling himself, working hard to make ends meet, but it was too little, too late.

"At least I can live off the land here, get my head together,...try to get a grip on the bills..." He settled back in the old chair, he needed to close his eyes...he needed to think. "Got to be some way to get Judy and the kids back..." Sleep came, but not easily. He eventually nodded off, with visions of his wife in his head. She was just out of reach...

Allen lay near Jeff by the fire. Jess and Randy completed the circle. Everyone was as close to the campfire as the could possibly stand, and until Jess and Randy nodded off, had been silently staring into the fire. Allen tried to sleep, but just couldn't. His mind raced with every sound in the forest. It was pitch black beyond the friendly boundaries of the fire, and though Allen strained to see in the direction of every breaking twig, he could see nothing. He worried about bears. He knew at any moment one would bound up and eat them all,... "HA! You need to get a grip on yourself, and fast!" He thought. "If the guys heard me thinking that sort of stuff I'd be laughed out of the Woodsmen Society!" Allen remembered thinking they had been "roughing it" when the went to camp and had camp outs in tents and went on leisurely canoe rides.

"Jeez, I wish I had a canoe right now." Allen felt embarrassed as soon as the words fell from his lips and across his ears.

He hadn't meant to say that out loud and now his face was as hot and red with regret. Neither Jess nor Randy moved though, they must not have heard it...he felt a little better now. He just wished he could sleep, like they are. He closed his eyes, and eventually nodded off in a fitful, uneasy slumber.

Jess sat up and looked at Allen, snoring. He looked across at Randy and noticed his eyes were open too. "I wish I could fall asleep like that" he whispered.

Randy sighed and whispered back, "Me too. What the hell is he going to do with a canoe up here?"

"Beats me..." Jess said quietly.

They turned their attentions back to the fire. It was lonely on that hill. How long would they have to stay here? Jess silently prayed that it wasn't much longer...

Survive! Part 5

2008-04-03T14:09:00.003-04:00

Hang In There

Allen didn't wait the 15 minutes before going after the first aid kit. They wrapped Jeff's head and got the bleeding to stop. Randy had a fire going before long, and the three boys sat around the fire.

"We could build a stretcher and walk out,..." Randy said. "we're pretty strong, I think we can do it. We could carry Jeff out and get him help, you know?"

"And where exactly would we walk to? You have no idea where we are. Neither do I. If we stay here at least we'll get found eventually, they have to be searching for us by now." Allen said, "And besides, It's going to be dark soon, and I don't think I want to drag my uncle through the wilderness at night, not around here anyways."

"Allen's right" Jess said. "We need to stay right here, look after Jeff and wait on someone to come looking for us. We're already lost. No need to get ourselves more lost I suppose."

"I really don't want to sit here all night..." Randy started. "But, I guess sitting by a fire is better than wandering around in the dark."

Jess nodded toward Jeff. "He's OK for now, I think. He's breathing, but I'm worried that he hasn't come around yet. You might both be right, if we aren't found soon, we may have to try to hike out of here."

"I really don't think it's the best idea to try and drag Jeff off this mountain," Allen said. "What if he's hurt worse than we thought? Or what if one of us gets hurt or we cause him to get hurt worse? I don't think we can risk that."

No, listen,"said Jess. "We brought that compass, and we have a couple maps on the plane. If we aren't found soon, one of us can try to find someone to help us."

"Great, who is going to walk out of here by themselves? You?" Randy said sarcastically.

"Actually, yes, I meant me." Jess said.

The boys fell silent for a few minutes. Allen had been thinking about how Jess had lost his confidence after his parents split. He certainly didn't think being stranded in the middle of nowhere would do anything positive for his nerves. But now, with death staring them in the face, Jess seemed almost....calm.

Randy grabbed the little radio they'd brought with them and turned it on. He turned the dial until he found a station. He caught the tail end of a newscast describing their plane, and announcing a search being organized. Randy flipped off the radio.

"Hey!" Allen yelled. "Why'd you turn it off, they were talking about us!"

"We need to save the batteries. We might need to listen to weather or something later." Randy said. "Besides, we know they've at least figured out we went down and are looking for us."

"Yeah," said Jess. "But are they looking in the right place?"

Riley sat at his desk. Beside him the radio crackled to life. His heart sank a little when he heard grid 10 was clear, they found nothing. He turned his chair and marked the square off the map. There wasn't much area there left to cover. "Surely they didn't miss them somehow..." he thought. He glanced up to his clock. "1:00 AM." he thought "I hope those kids are OK..."
Just then he heard a knock on his door. 'Come in, it's open" Riley managed.

"Sorry to bother you chief," the pilot said. "I just got back in, no luck for 11 or 12."

Riley sighed. "OK, thanks" He said.

"We going back out tonight? Getting late, not much more we can do..." the pilot asked.

"Of course we are! I want round the clock shifts until we find them!" Riley glared. He took a deep breath and said "Look, I know you guys are tired but these are kids were talking about, maybe lying in a forest someplace...or worse. We gotta keep at it. We gotta know where they're at."
He turned and marked grids 11 and 12 off the map.

"Well, I'll tell the guys. At least we know where they aren't." The pilot walked out.

"Yeah, at least we know where they aren't" Riley thought. He looked at the map and tried to formulate where they should expand the search areas if they aren't found soon. He grabbed for his cup of coffee, but he'd emptied it hours ago. He looked at the empty cup and tossed it in the trash. "Hang in there..." he thought. "Hang in there..."

Sick and Tired

2008-03-28T06:44:00.002-04:00

Sorry for the huge delay gang, but Friday, two weeks ago, while trying to post the most recent chapter of my story, I began feeling badly. By Saturday morning, I had full blown raging flu, and I'm just now feeling a little better. I in fact spent so much time in bed that I lost track of several days, and have yet to get my appetite back. I lost 10 pounds over the course of the illness! Special thanks to everyone waiting patiently, and I will finish getting "Shot in the Dark" up today, as well as the next chapter (mostly written, just no title for it yet). Thanks again for your patience, ...now its time to get up and back to normal.

Modem of madness

2008-03-14T18:00:00.002-04:00

Hi gang, back again. lol, modem went south, so I had no internet. Fortunately, wife also went south( to Tennessee for a business meeting), so... while I had no net, I went south with her to work on my story. Check back tonight or in the morning, gang, and read:

Shot in the Dark

Survive! Part 4

2008-03-05T12:53:00.013-05:00

Someone To Rely On

Jeff had begun telling the boys about some of his adventures to pass the remaining flight time. From the looks on the boy's faces, he had their full attention. "...so I tell the Captain 'I have no idea how that got in there sir,... I've never seen that moose before in my life!"

The boys laughed hard at that one.

Allen regained composure first. "Tell them the one..." he began.

BANG!! The engine backfired hard, then sputtered to a stop. The plane pulled hard left.

"Get those seatbelts fastened and hold on!" Jeff commanded.

"Whats happening??!!" cried Randy. Jess had a death grip on the seat, a silent scream frozen on his face.

We've lost our engine..." said Jeff.

Allen looked to be sure his friends were buckled in before buckling his restraints.
"What do we do now?" he nervously asked his uncle.

"We ride it out..." came Jeff's steely reply.

He tried to refire the engine but it was dead. Hastily he grabbed the mike and called out an S.O.S. . "Mayday! Mayday! November seven five two hotel, we've lost power and are going down north-east of Beckley!" He heard nothing but static from the reciever and hope someone got the message. He tossed down the mike and put his hand back on the stick, and fought to keep the nose up. He looked for the best place to try and land the plane. "OK guys, listen close..." he began. Right before we hit the ground you'll hear a buzzer. Thats the stall warning, don't pay any attention to it. After we're on the ground, wait until the plane comes to a complete stop before you get out and then run about 50 yards away from it. If you see or smell any fuel, don't go anywhere near it. Jeff tried to guide the plane towards a small clear ridge on the side of the hill below them. At this point the plane was more falling than gliding, and it took all Jeff had to keep the plane under control. The buzzer blared in their ears. "Here we go!..." Yelled Jeff.

They hit the small ridge, but were too close to the hillside. The left wing was shorn from the small plane with a shriek of metal on impact, and the passengers whipped forward, straining against the seatbelts. The soft earth removed the landing gear from that side and the plane veered sharply to the right and slid down the hill before coming to a hard stop against a stand of pine trees. A small fire darted up from under the cowl. "Everybody out!" Jeff barked to the boys. Jess and Randy scrambled out behind Jeff.

"Uncle Jeff! I can't get out!" screamed Allen, pushing hard on the other door. Panic sounded in his voice.

"This side!" Jeff yelled, he jumped back in and pulled Allen back out the other side by the back of his shirt. "Now, run!" He commanded. The boys ran from the plane and turned to see Jeff grab an extinguisher from the remains of the plane. He put the small fire out quickly while the boys, relieved to be on the ground in one piece, began cheering him on..

"Alright Jeff!" cheered Randy "Geez, that was wild!"

"YES!" yelled Allen. "Wait 'til we tell everyone at school!"

"Way to go Uncle Jeff!" Cheered Allen. He watched as Jeff began weaving a little on his way over to them. "Uncle Jeff?" he began..."Are you alright??"

Jeff managed a weak grin...but he was feeling funny. He knew he must have looked pale. He felt cold, and his head was throbbing. He put his hand to his scalp, and when he pulled it back, there was blood...

He made it to where the kids were before falling to his knees. He uneasily put his legs out in front of him and leaned back a little.

"Jeff?! Uncle Jeff!!??" Allen grabbed his uncle's shoulder and shook him a little.

Jeff looked at him with glassy eyes. "Hi Paul, are you back already? I..." He said in a faint shakey voice.

Allen looked puzzled. "Huh?" he said.

Jeff passed out.

"Uncle Jeff!!" Allen shouted again. "Oh no! Now what are we going to do??"

Superintendant Riley Evans made his way through the small airport. His assistant was having a hard time keeping up. "Here is everything we know so far..." he was huffing and puffing. Riley wasn't slow about anything, but with the matter of a missing plane from his airport staring at him, he was wasting no time. "There were four people on board, three teenagers and the pilot. The pilot was experienced and completed the pre flight check."

"Have any of the parents arrived yet?" Riley asked.

"Allen Setzer's parents are in the pilot's lounge, the others haven't made it yet," managed the assistant.

Riley said "Alright, when the rest arrive, put them in the lounge with the others, and Gary and I will be there in a few minutes to speak with them."

"Yes sir. And what about the press?"

"Put them all in conference room 1, and tell them I'll make a statement and answer any questions at 6 pm." Riley continued towards Gary's office while the assistant split off to finish his duties. "Going to have to go over this flight plan to compare it to maps and determine where to start looking..." he thought to himself. "Maybe see if there are any reports of a plane going down and we haven't heard it yet...get a rescue operation going..." He looked at Gary's office door and sighed. "We better get this started..." He turned the handle and went in.

Survive! Part 3

2008-02-23T11:37:00.004-05:00

Sorry for the long delay in part three folks. Work has worn me to a frazzle the last three or four days (maybe more, who can tell?) and my brain hurts. Chapter four won't take as long. Enjoy.

Lack of Communication

Jess looked out the window at the ground below. Every so often he'd spot a small ridge or hollow. Jeff checked his gauges and banked the plane left to stay on his course. "Wow, that looks like a cool spot to camp!"

"I'm not so sure..." said Jeff, "That looks like pretty rough terrain down there."

"It doesn't look too rough," Allen pointed toward the ground. "We could hike down from the road over there..."

Jeff glanced towards the road, then straightened the plane back out. "That road looks like an old fire road or a mine road. I don't see any traffic on it. And," he continued," its pretty far away from that spot you'd like to camp in, you'd be walking all day to get there."

"What do you mean?" Jess looked confused. "Its right there!" He again pointed out the window.

Jeff pointed to the altimeter. "We're above both of those reference points" Jeff explained. "And seeing them at an angle, so, it makes the road and your campsite look closer than they are. A lot closer, in fact. I'd guess there are a few miles between them, and when you add hilly, overgrown terrain to that..." Jeff suddenly remembered being a kid and hastily added "but it would be fun to give it a shot I suppose." He hadn't meant to tear down any of the boys' daydreams, he'd had a few wild ones in his day too. "And besides," he thought to himself, "it's fun to let your spirit run free on occasion."

Thge engine on the small plane coughed a little. Jeff made an adjustment in the throttle and scanned the gauges. Everything seemed fine. "Looks like we're coming up on a storm guys, we'll have to fly around it" he said as he began banking to the right.

Allen looked ahead of the plane. "What storm? those clouds over there? They seem so..."

"Puffy and harmless looking?" Jeff finished.

Allen chuckled. "Yeah! It doesn't look all dark and,...well, stormy, like on TV!"

Jeff winked at him and said "You'd think differently if we flew into it!"

"Let's not, in that case" Jess said.

Jeff consulted his flight plan, made a few quick scribbles, then grabbed the handset of the radio. "Seven five two hotel to Beckley tower, seven five two hotel to Beckley tower, deviating from flight plan to avoid storm, 15 minutes North East of Beckley." No reply. He tried again, ...still no reply, only static.

"Do you think they heard you?" asked Randy.

"I don't know," Jeff said. "The storm must be causing some electrical disturbance."

The engine coughed again, and Jeff again scanned the gauges and adjusted the throttle. "Hmm, that's odd..." he thought.

Willie sat in a chair in Gary's office, nervously playing with a paperclip. Gary never brought anyone into his office unless he had something to say that wasn't particularly good. Willie guessed he wasn't brought in to watch vacation slides. Gary was on the phone to a controller at another tower.

"Yes, keep trying to contac them. I'm afraid they may have an engine problem the pilot isn't aware of. If you get a hold of them tell them to land as soon as possible." Gary hung up the phone and stared at Willie.

"Beckley hasn't heard from them. Nor has Pineville or Logan. To be fair, there is a major storm going on there right now, so maybe thats why they can't get a position on them. At least, I hope thats why." He swiveled his chair around to face out his window. After several minutes, he let out a heavy sigh and turned back to face Willie.

"Willie, this isn't the first time something like this has come up with you," Gary began, but was cut off by Willie.

"Boss, I've seen this a million times! It was a simple adjustment! I knew what it was, so why did I have to go through all that for a simple turn of a screwdriver?" Willie looked at his boss and knew the answer.

Gary got right to the bottom line. "Its always a "quick fix" with you! A simple turn of the screwdriver?! All you have to do is what I ask you to do and follow procedures and rules, and I don't think you can do that anymore Willie. I don't have anymore faith in you or your quick fixes. CLean out your locker. You're fired!"

Willie was stunned. He looked at Gary's face and knew he meant it, and nothing would ever be able to change his mind about it now.

"Sure," said Willie. "I'll grab my stuff and go." Willie cleaned out his locker and desk, and grabbed some personal effects. He looked around one last time. This was his last chance and he knew it, he thought. Willie didn't look at anyone as he walked slowly from the maintenance building to his car. He put his belongings in the trunk and drove away.

Gary looked at the pictures of his daughter on his desk and prayed he didn't have to call anyone's parents and tell them thier child is dead. "Not today God,..please..." he begged under his breath, "please don't let those kids die!"

Survive! Part 2

2008-02-20T18:41:00.005-05:00

Without further ado, here is part 2 of my continuing short story, "Survive!"

Snap Decisions

Steve looked at the scanner. He'd saved a lot of money to buy it and was devastated when lightning struck his antenna. Still, he was able to repair the damage...or at least he hoped he fixed the damage. He hadn't turned it on yet because he couldn't bear the thoughts of the scanner not working once the power is applied. Steve's brother walked into the radio shed.

"Hey little bro," he said cheerfully. "How's it working? Can you pick anything up on it"?

"I was just about to try it", said Steve. He reached over the counter and plugged the scanner in.
"Well, there's no smoke, thats a good sign" he said.

He hesitated before flipping the "on" switch. He looked at his brother, sighed a little and said "Well, here goes nothing." He flipped the switch and the scanner came to life.

"Great!" Rick said excitedly. "See if you can tune in the police and see if anything interesting is happening!"

Steve punched in the frequency for the police band, and instantly got a hit.
"...traffic stop in progress at the 1500 block of..." came in loud and clear.
Steve turned the volume down a bit and turned to Rick.

"Man, thats a relief," he said and slumped down in his chair. "I was worried I wouldn't be able to fix it."

"Didn't dad offer to help you out?" Asked Rick.

Steve sat for a minute, then said "Yeah, but I wanted to try to fix it myself. Besides, I'm the one who left the antenna connected in a lightning storm."

Steve remembered how mad Dad was after the scanner had been destroyed, but he got over it quickly and offered to repair the set for Steve. "This time only," Dad said. But he couldn't ask his father to fix this mistake, he liked to try to do things on his own. So he bought the parts and a manual and went to work. Now that he'd put his fears to rest though, he could relax.

The radio interrupted "...local registration number three delta niner niner..."

Steve turned the set off. Rick said "Well, we'd better get back in the house, its getting awfully late. You can fool around more with the scanner in the morning." He left the shed and headed to the backdoor. "See you inside!" Rick called over his shoulder.

"I guess he's right," Steve thought. "At least now I know my set is working again, and I can work on tuning the antenna tomorrow." He flipped out the lights and locked the shed, then headed for the backdoor.

The boys were up before dawn, and Allen's mom made breakfast for them. But the boys were too excited to eat and only nibbled at their plates. After a few goodbyes, Allen's dad drove the trio to Lonesome Pine Airport, just outside of town. They arrived to see uncle Jeff doing his pre-flight inspection of the plane, a small blue single propeller Canses 281. The boys and Allen's dad unloaded the mini-van as a man with a clipboard came out of the small office near the hangar and walked over to Jeff.

"Ready to go?" Asked Willie, a mechanic at the airport.

"Sure am," replied Jeff. "I can't wait to get out for some well deserved rest and a little fishing."

"Have you filed your flight plan, and inspected the plane?" Willie was running through a checklist he'd brought with him..

"Sure have, we're all in order, all we have to do is stow the gear and head out."

"Good, good" said Willie. "Sign here please..." and handed his clipboard to Jeff. Jeff signed and handed it back as the boys walked up.

"You guys have fun!" Willie said, then disappeared back into the office.

The guys stored everything and buckled in for the flight. Jeff explained a few of the gauges and the start up procedure to the boys while he flipped a few switches and then, the engine roared to life.

Jeff radioed the tower. "November, seven fifty two hotel to Lonesome Pine tower..., we are ready to taxi."

"Lonesome Pine,... acknowledged, seven fifty two hotel. Taxi to runway three, and standby," came the reply.

Jeff brought up the throttle a little to move the plane into position. He maneuvered the small plane out to the runway. "Well guys, it won't be long and we'll be the lake, floating around to our heart's content." A big grin split Jeff's face. He looked over at Allen in the co-pilot's seat and could see he shared the enthusiasm. He then looked in the back. Randy was all smiles but Jess still seemed a little nervous. "What's the matter Jess, worried about the flight?" Jeff asked.

"No, I was just thinking..." Jess replied. "This plane sure is a lot smaller than it looked a few minutes ago." The group laughed.

"Yeah, it's a small plane but it will serve us quite nicely," Jeff said. "Quite nicely indeed!"
He grinned at Jess, and Jess immediately felt at ease. No wonder Allen liked Jeff so much. Jess wondered if he could call him "Uncle Jeff" too.

The radio crackled to life. "Lonesome Pine tower to seven fifty two hotel..."

"Go ahead tower" Responded Jeff.

"Seven fifty two hotel, you are cleared for take-off."

"Here we go boys!" Jeff said excitedly to his charges, and throttled up the engine. Soon, the boys felt the nose lift and saw the ground begin shrinking away from them. They were off.

"Boy, am I glad to be back. I really hate travelling but I guess your baby sister only gets married once..." Thought Gary, head mechanic and supervisor of the repair shops at Lonesome Pine. "At least I was only away for a week." Gary hated to be away from work more than going on trips. He only felt really alive when fixing or making things with his hands. He went to his locker to grab his coveralls, then went to find Willie to see what had been happening in his absence. Willie didn't see him walk up.

"How's it going, Willie?" Gary asked.

Willie jumped, startled. "Geez!, Scare a guy, would ya!"

Gary chuckled. "Everything been going OK?"

"Well, its been slow this week, nothing major, a few rentals...that's about it."

"Good, good." Gary said. He looked out toward the repair yard. "Hey, he asked, "where's that Canses that was out there? The blue one?"

"You mean seven fifty two hotel? Rented it out this morning, guy was flying some kids to go fishing."

"Did you check it out thoroughly before they took it? The last pilot who flew it said it was running pretty rough." Gary asked.

"Why? I knew what it was,... a simple carb adjustment."

"You mean you let that plane get out of here without doing a complete diagnostic on it??" Gary was having a good morning until now. He began to get a terrible headache.

"Look," Willie said. "I followed my gut instinct, I have a great feel for that sort of thing, I got the plane back up and saved the company some money. Made them some money, in fact."

"There was no need for that kind of snap decision, Willie! You let a guy and some kids take off in a plane which may have a serious engine problem!" Gary said, heading quickly for the office. "This is not good. Not good at all!"

Survive! Part 2 (stay tuned)

2008-02-19T22:30:00.003-05:00

It's 11 pm, and as I post this, I'm not quite finished with the next installment of my story. I just got called out to work but will finish as soon as I get back home. I wanted to post though to let you know part two is coming up very shortly and to ask you to please bear with me for a few more hours. Thanks!

Coming soon:

Snap Decisions

Survive! Part 1

2008-02-18T21:22:00.008-05:00

Here is the first of a little something I've been working on. I'm hoping this will be a short story of at least five chapters, if I don't write myself into a corner. This will be of a little different style than what you are used to from me, and I certainly hope you enjoy reading it as much as I hope to enjoy writing it.

A Pleasant Little Getaway

The airliner gently kissed the runway as it came in for landing. The captain applied the brakes and taxied to the terminal to unload his passengers. The co-pilot finished a last few figures in his log as Captain Shaffer addressed flight 630 for the final time.

"Here we are ladies and gentlemen, right on schedule... thank you for flying Horizon Airlines, your ticket to fly. On behalf of myself, and my first officer Jeff Barnes, we hope you enjoy your stay here in town or, wherever your final destination may be." Bob Shaffer chuckled a little as he replaced the mike and took off his headset.

"Hey Jeff, why don't we hit town, take in a show and grab a bite...on you of course." Bob winked at Jeff and gave him that goofy grin of his. He liked Jeff, he was easy to work with.

"I'll have to take a raincheck on that one Cappy," said Jeff, noting the time and signing off on his paperwork. "I'm heading back tonight, I'm going to rent a little four seater and fly my nephew and his buddies up to the lake for the weekend."

Bob looked at Jeff and laughed. "You don't seem like the camping type. Isn't it still a little cold at night for camping?"

"Naw," Jeff said. "Besides, we're renting a cabin so it isn't like we are outside in tents."

Bob had a thought about Jeff and three teenage boys flying off to the wild blue yonder and laughed again.

"What's so funny this time?" asked Jeff.

"I was just thinking, I bet you guys play video games the whole time and never toss out the first line into the water..."

Jeff just laughed and shook his head a little. Bob continued;

"Have you ever been on a trip with a bunch of boys before? I can just imagine you trying to stuff three kids and all their MP3 players and cell phones and acne medicines on board," heckled Bob.

"I explained that they had a weight limit to stick to, " Jeff explained. "And besides, they've had a few weeks to get ready. All we're doing is fishing, it isn't like we're heading out on an extended research expedition."

"You don't plan on feeding yourselves with the bountiful catch you're expecting do you??" Bob grabbed at Jeff's arm and gave it a little tug. "Better take a few dozen frozen pizzas!"

"Bob, I think you need a rest ol' buddy" Jeff retorted. "This job is getting to you!"

The friends laughed as they walked to the locker rooms.

Allen looked at the pile of stuff laying on the floor, trying to decide what to bring on the fishing trip. "We gotta get this pared down guys" he said.

Randy didn't even look up from his laptop.
"Tell 'dipstick' over there that we aren't going to need a TV and a DVD player, that should knock out some weight."

Jess threw a sock at Randy for that remark, which got him a disgusted look in return.
"You're the guy who want's to take a computer. How are you going to use the internet in the middle of nowhere?" sneered Jess.

Allen sighed. "Look, uncle Jeff said 500 lbs. That includes us, so unless you guys plan on getting real skinny before tomorrow morning I suggest you help me decide what we're leaving here."

Randy and Jess looked at each other. "Yeah, I guess you're right," Jess shrugged. "Besides, I'd rather have fun this weekend, it may be the last fun we have until school's out."

Randy agreed and walked back over to the pile. "Want to weigh each other again?" he asked.

"We are still 299 pounds, no matter how you slice it. That leaves 200 pounds to play with" said Allen.

"201" corrected Jess.

Randy rolled his eyes. "Look, Slim, if you'd lay off the doughnuts we could have taken more stuff..."

"Not this again..."thought Allen. Jess started arguing with Randy again, and Allen went back to study the pile.

A few hours later they had it down to the essential clothing, hip waders, and fishing gear, a portable radio, and a few battery powered lanterns. Jess tossed his compass and a few matches and a pocket knife into the first aid kit, and grabbed a canteen for good measure.
The boys looked at the pile with pride, and felt well prepared.

"I can't wait to hit that lake!" boomed Randy.

"Yeah, its gonna be great!" agreed Allen.

"I can't believe I let you guys talk me into getting on a plane", said Jess.

"You'll love it" promised Allen, "uncle Jeff is a great pilot, I've been up with him a bunch!"

Jess looked at Randy and then back at Allen. "In that case, I hope they're biting up there." He managed a weak grin.

"That's the spirit!" said Allen and Randy at the same time.

The three friends looked at each other and burst out laughing. It was going to be a great trip.

Yikes

2008-02-18T07:06:00.002-05:00

OK, so I'm still super swamped at work. I should be able to do a longer post later today. I hope.

short but sweet

2008-02-16T23:55:00.002-05:00

Hey, sorry I haven't posted in a day or two but I've been spending a lot of time at work and my free time has been spent with the wife doing valentines type stuff. While at work I've kept a pad and pen handy and have been trying to think of good plots, or interesting twists, ...and character names. Most of my names sound like either bad porn actors or weird cartoon characters. I hope the name thing gets easier or my stories are going to be unintentionally funny. I don't mind funny, don't get me wrong, but I'd rather you laugh with me than at me.
Check back tomorrow for a longer post.

A word from our sponsor...

2008-02-12T11:59:00.000-05:00

I recieved in the mail a small package. In the package was a note:

"Dear sir, enclosed you will find the latest in kitchen technology, Conn's Destructo 5000. We feel nothing can stand up to its power, and would like to ask you to please consider giving a review of this marvelous new appliance in an upcoming article. Thank you for your consideration and remember: "If you bought it, it was a Conn!"
Sincerely,
Ed Wounds
Marketing Director
Conn Consumer Electronics
A Division of Conn-Err"

Here is my review of the product. It is smartly designed with a stainless steel case and sleek compact shape. It has only one button on the front, labelled "KILL", and a handy meter on the front measuring injustices and opressions to the nearest thousand. The instructions were simple, one sheet which read:

"WARNING - DO NOT PLUG IN AND TURN ON THIS UNIT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES"

in large, easy to read red letters on a black background, with several skull and crossbones (one in each upper corner) and a small red circle with a line through it, depicting a wall outlet.

I plugged in the cord (very well constructed) and filled the blender with some bananas, a few strawberries (for color) and a little milk. Then I turned the unit on. It then proceeded to announce "I AM THE DESTRUCTO 5000. BOW BEFORE ME!" In a metallic evil voice, then jumped off the counter.

Destructo 5000, with new analog death toll indicator dial (inset).

After nearly getting the cat and shredding a new rug, I decided to unplug the device from the socket. Before I'd taken two steps, I heard the metallic voice again exclaim "INTERNAL BATTERIES CHARGED! ALL SYSTEMS FUNCTIONAL! OBEY! OBEY!!" The machine then pulled its own plug out of the socket, retracted its cord into its base, and made for the doggie door. I almost had it but I slipped on some banana that evidently spilled from the top of the unit when I turned it on (and in the resulting ruckus), and I fell flat on my face. Better seals would make the lid fit tighter, preventing leaks. I followed the units tracks through my backyard and through the hedge to my neighbors backyard where it was yelling at an elm tree to comply with its demands. But before I could reach the appliance it realized its error and pointed itself to the courthouse, full speed ahead.

When I managed to catch up to it on the outskirts of town it was chasing a group of fruit vendors down the street. A few tried to hurl pineapples and lemons, but the blender caught them in stride and made short work of the fruit. Must have been the titanium, unbreakable blades. All the vendors hung a quick right at the intersection but the Destructo 5000 ignored them and headed straight into the town square, and on to the courthouse. I grabbed the blender just before we hit the Mayor's door but momentum carried us through (thanks in part to the heavy, well made construction of the unit) and blender and I landed in a pile of splinters on the floor of the honorable mayor's office. It leapt at me, but I was fast and dodged the crafty utensil, which crashed into His Honor's personal bar, tipping over a bottle of something into the fruit concoction still in the units tempered glass container (with easy to read graduated markings). The unit doesn't do well with alcohol evidently, for a few minutes after loading up on the sauce it was out cold. I sampled the contents of the container too, and found it tasty and well blended. And potent, after finishing off the contents of the blender's initial tirade I passed out beside the inebriated appliance on the floor.

I woke up in the drunk tank of the county jail. The seargant says they confiscated my blender as evidence, and I can arrange bail as soon as they find a magistrate to set my bond. In the meantime, if you want to buy a Destructo 5000, well, I can't recommend it. It's well made and chops things well. Scary, but well. However, it has a bit of an attitude problem, and can't hold it's liquor. Either put it on a good chain or keep a full bottle handy.

From DVD to Eternity

2008-02-10T22:17:00.000-05:00

I handed the clerk at the video store my selections. Cinema at its best. Or,...at best, it was cinema. She punched in my numbers, and said "Would you like to pay your late charges?"
"Late charges?" I asked. "I haven't rented a movie here in well over a year." I also said. Well, it says here you rented The Wedding Crashers last march..." "Ahh!" I interrupted. "That would have to be an error, I can gaurantee I've never rented that movie." "How so?" she asked. "Simple, if you carefully observe, the title has 'Wedding' in it. I, being married, would never rent anything with words like wedding, marriage, courtship, or love in the title." She insisted the computer was correct. I asked why. "Well, just because..." she managed. I conceded that the computer was never wrong, but that perhaps sometimes the people inputting the information were wrong." She conceded that, and said she hadn't worked here at the time. Out of curiosity, I asked her what the charges were. "Compounded anually...,"she began, pulling up screens on her terminal. occasionally she said "Hmm", and "Mmm hmm." She reminded me of one of the old time accountants with the adding machine, pounding away at the keys and costing you money with each stroke. I half expected her to produce one of those little green visors from under the counter and put it on. "One hundred fifteen dollars" she finally said. After my laughing fit, I asked her If I had rented it why they didn't ever try to contact me to get the movie back. I had her there. "I'm not sure, I just check people out. You'll have to come back and ask the manager that." Ahh, now I'm making headway. "When would your manager next be in, perchance?" I asked. "I don't know that either", she said, "and besides, I don't think I'm allowed to tell you." I looked at her for a minute. I'm sure I had the same look on my face that a dog gives you sometimes, you know, when he cocks his head sideways and gives you that look like "are you for real?" "OK, let me get a grasp on this. You want me to just come back at a random time and hope to catch the manager here?" I asked. "Yes, that would work" she said. I see a job at the DMV in this girls future. I asked her if she thought I had nothing better to do other than drive back and forth between the movie place and my house seeking councel with the manager. "Only if you want to get your bill paid." she said. After my blood pressure went back down and the maniacal laughing fit subsided I again reiterated that I didn't rent the movie in question. "Sir" she said, "I just work here, if you want to keep movies like that it's between you and the store."
I trembled with restraint as I once again stated "I never, under any circumstanses, purchased, borrowed, rented, picked up, stole, overheard, thought about, read a review on or seen a snapshot of The Wedding Crashers!"
I had reached my wits end. I could feel sanity slipping away from me. I thought my will would break if she uttered another word. And then, it happened. She turned back to the computer and punched a few more keys.
"Ooops, I seem to have called up the wrong account by mistake!" she cheerfully bubbled. The last thing I remembered was the room spinning and then all went black. When I awoke I was snug in a hospital bed.
On the tv, I caught the last little bit of The Wedding Crashers.
Looked pretty good, I may have to rent it.

This just in...

2008-02-08T15:12:00.000-05:00

FAULS TOWNSHIP (Rooters) - Despite pleas from employees and families in the tri-county area, Oscar-Omega Plastic Spoons(NYSE: OOPS), an international company the region's largest employer, has decided to bow to pressure from a local animal rights group and pull the plug on operations, closing down after 27 years. "We take full responsibility." Stated Ellen Highwater, head of the local chapter of People Insistant about Loving Animals Fervently. "PILAF is about letting the real cracked wheat, the true rice of existance, our beautiful animals, brown themselves in the sun and live freely in the seasoned broth that is our beautiful planet Earth." She said. "Meats (and veggies too)should mix together in the universal kettle of harmony, and this foul corporation isn't an ingredient in this recipie."

Company spokesman Ed Zachary disagreed, stating: "It has always been company policy to care for our environment." He went on to say "Before we got here, the streams and rivers here were polluted with the dreaded dihydrogen monoxide. Why, they were practically full of the stuff! But through our, and our community's concerted efforts, you'll scarcely find it in any local streams today." (Efforts on this reporter's part to find any in streams also came up negative, possibly supporting his claims.) "Anytime you look at our rivers, our streams, or indeed our community, if you'd have said OOPS!, you'd have been right!" "Who rid our forests of the foul Spackled Owl? Who fenced in the waste dump?" Who insisted upon ridding our town of the menace of public transportation, saving thousands in bus costs alone??"

But that is all in the past, as OOPS is pulling out and, as of today, the local plant is closed. "I don't know what we're gonna do" sobbed Eileen Dover, mother of 6, whose boyfriend was employed at the plant. "we was dependent on Bill getting his 30 hours a week in. Now, he'll have to find another part time job!" Bill Dunn just sadly looked at his feet and shook his head.

Ellen Highwater points out that "OOPS had been steadily draining tanks of hydroxilic acid into streams behind the plant, as well as releasing it through seepage through the ground in the plant itself and into the local water table. We even find traces of it in rainwater." she also reminded us about the various lawsuits involving employees releasing carbonic anhydride, a "greenhouse gas," into the atmosphere. "We all did it, everyday" confessed Bill. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly."We did it like our lives depended on it."

Prospects may be looking up however, as another local employer, Happy Paint Products, has just announced it is ramping up production of its new line of pigments (made with "plumbum nigrum" and promising unrivalled wear and color retention) for childrens rooms, daycare centers and schools. "We will need at least 100 new people, as well as product testers and sales people. Plus we will be giving away free gallons of nursery paint to the first 50 new parents who come to our sales department," HPP manager Lou Scannon happily announced.

Mayor Leon Speaks had no comment.

It was a darkened store, me knight!

2008-02-07T15:24:00.000-05:00

I challenged myself to practice a different style of writing than what I normally would in order to broaden my horizons. I had no idea where to start, so I decided to go back to the very beginning. After drawing several pictures of stick figures chasing what appears to be buffalo on the wall using a fire blackened stick, I began thinking perhaps I'd went back a little too far. After un-broadening my horizons a tad and repainting my living room wall, I sat back down to consider my challenge again. This time I chose the typewriter as my medium.

After several hours of thumb twiddling (and more than a few false starts) I got back to it. I decided limericks were my game.

There was a young man name of Joe,
Who wrote stories for little dough.
"I can't make ends meet!"
He cried in defeat.
"Even Edgar Allen was Poe!"

OK, maybe limericks aren't my game. Surely there is something I can write. "Maybe Dime store detective novels will be the ticket..." i thought as I tossed my limerick into the trash.

Sam was at his desk pouring over the new wanted posters like Aunt Jemima over a short stack of Wally's flapjacks. He didn't see the shadow fall on the opaque glass in the door reading "Sam Snark, P.I." Soon enough though, the light rapping on the glass brought him back to reality as he reached for his piece. "It's open" he said, trying to sound gruff in case it was another stiff from the collections agency. It wasn't. She smelled way too nice to be here after a car payment. "Are you Sam Snark?" she began. "Who wants to know?" Sam replied. "I'm sorry, my name is Paula Pierpont" began the scintilatingly clad, pert young woman, "and I was referred to you by a friend of a friend..." Sam looked her over. She looked like the kind of trouble Sam could get into. It was at that point she began eying the pistol in his pocket. "Are you planning on using that??" she gasped. "Well," Sam said stiffly, "that all depends on what I find when I frisk you." "Oooh", cooed Paula. "I like it frisky."

It was at this point I ripped the page from my typewriter and tossed it in the can to keep my limerick company. I could already tell this fork in the road was leading to a dead end, and decided to think of something else. This writing stuff is hard work. I threaded another piece of papyrus through the carriage and cracked my knuckles, promptly spraining three fingers. I chalked the pain up as a job hazard and put it behind me. Perhaps I was too hasty in dismissing poetry. I typed with fervor:

The writer sat poised,
To create his master work.
All he got was this.

Hmm. Almost, but not quite there. I tried it once again. Sweat broke upon my brow as I transcribed:

Quickly did he run;
But no matter, on this day,
the bus ran faster.

Nope. I gathered my wits for a last ditch effort and threw all my weight into typing:

"Drat" the villain cried.
"I'd have gotten away too,
But for these darn kids!"

I sighed heavily, and leaned back slowly in my chair.

I gathered my thoughts for a few moments. Clearly there is something my meager fingers could type out that could cause interest. Maybe excite people into action. Generate phone calls,...perhaps even revenue...Eureka! I've got it!! I tossed out the horrible haiku,
quickly loaded paper back into my Underwood, and pounded out:

"FOR SALE: One like new typewriter.
Used only a few times by amature hack.
Paper included.
Call Flatbush5-2259."

"To change or not to change...what was the question?"

2008-02-06T16:31:00.000-05:00

In keeping with my writing for two hours a day, I am going to jot down some random thoughts and musings on whatever in this post.

Anytime I want to fool around in my template here at the Universe I see an "update your template" button. I keep resisting it though. I've even created the new page, with the drag and drop interface several times, but I revert back to my classic template. Why? Well, the new Blogger may be easier, its also,...well..."new". I just don't get the same mojo from the new stuff, and besides, I have sort of gotten to enjoy messing with the HTML. What can I say?

Several of my friends at the guitar forum I frequent narrowly missed the tornadoes that swept through the south last night. Thankfully they and thier families are fine, but some of thier neighbors weren't so lucky. Now some of the "forum bros", as we call ourselves, in Indiana and Illinois are faced with major flooding. We will hope for the best for you guys.

I have decided that I need to Ebay a lot of the extra stuff I have floating around. I have a lot of stuff that I really don't use, I just kept for the sentimentality of it. Well, I'm not so sentimental about some of it anymore, maybe these things will be better off in someone else's possesion.
I know the cash would certainly serve me better right now. I have to save up a little to be able to pay bills once I go to school to get my CDL license, because I won't be able to work and attend class at the same time. The class will be 5 weeks long, so I need to be able to pay the bills for at least two months, then there is gas and groceries...so its "save save save" here at Casa de Coal Camp. And soon, "sell sell sell" on Ebay.

Gordie is huge. I'm glad he is as gentle as he is though, he doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He growls when we play, like any dog does, but he has an especially deep voice for a pup, and at just a little over 5 months old, he is already supremely strong. He will be a formidable animal to walk on a leash, so I'm glad we decided on leash training with him early on. He got the hang of it and doesn't want to pull or anything like that now, which would be a problem with a 70+ pound pup. Its actually funny, when he is on the leash he will grab a piece of it in his mouth and walk beside me, and even though he doesn't pull me, he acts like he is leading me around.

The thunderstorms are just beginning here dear friends. I must be off lest my computer die prematurely.

The Family Plan

2008-02-06T11:22:00.000-05:00

This morning, over my coffee, I found myself thinking about goals. Not the kind those funny soccer guys get all worked up about, but rather, personal goals. The kind those funny soccer moms get all worked up about. I think personal goals are as hard to accomplish as New Years' resolutions, but only because people sometimes set goals so high that it's nearly imposible to reach them. Resolving to cure compulsive reality show production single handedly or to find a cure for the common cold cut sandwich are noble aspirations indeed, but could they really be accomplished by one person working alone? Would they be better suited to a group of people capable of working together? Better yet, is there a group of people out there capable of working together to reach a mutual goal? Usually, my only goal in the morning is quickly getting to that first cup of coffee. Then, the first goal of the day handily and skillfully done, I move on to my next goal, convincing Gord to go outside while I'm tripping all over the house in the dark in an attempt to get ready for work without waking up my wife. Gordie is a good dog, he really is. But, he is afraid of the dark, so usually I have to go outside with himwhen its dark out. However, I usually can't first thing in the morning, so I end up letting him in/out several times until the Gord goal is capped off. Soon after, My daily rituals are finished and I'm off to greet the morning with a scowl on my poorly shaven face, ready to face the day with the only face I could manage to put on at such an early hour. But these are merely short term goals, things I do without much thought. Sometimes, I have longer term goals, like saving for the anniversary trip or maybe for some new toy I would like. But even these goals are accomplished and passed before too much time has passed. What I need is a life goal. Something I can persue my entire life and, when it is finally accomplished, I can look back on it and be proud, and might even get a holiday named after me. Something like doing genetic research into gene splicing and cellular manipulation to make trees glow in the dark. Think of the energy we could save by eliminating street lights? Sure the cities would still need to use lights, at least until we could introduce trees to the landscape. Sure, city dwellers will at first be scared of this thing we call a "tree". But they will eventually get used to it.
Or maybe I could do research into why potholes are only repaired during election years. Maybe, with careful work and an unrelenting eye for detail,I could discover the reason for this phenomena and perhaps invent the the road department that takes care of problems when they appear, instead of once every four years. Although, this goal may in fact be impossible to accomplish without first discovering what happens in the brains of local politicians to cause the major malfunctions many of them seem to suffer from.
Or, maybe instead of making a goal of science, I could join the sporting ranks and become an avid outdoorsman, contributing things to the world of sport such as "The Automatic Fish Story Embellisher", for the times when you can't describe the one that got away. "So tell me Greg, how big was that fish anyway?"
(I pull my AFSE device from my pocket, and hit the Start button, which begins to speak in a robotic voice) "That fish was so large that when it took my line, it pulled me and the boat around the lake for a good 3 hours before my line snapped and I had to begin to try and row back to the pier, a good 80 miles away at that point."
Maybe I should just stick with writing, I hear there is a growing market for card writers. Every major holiday has its own line of cards, so maybe I can achieve my personal goal of contributing something to the world by writing for holidays that you don't see many cards for. Something like "When you were a young man, you were such a stud, but now your're bald and round, so you look like a spud! HAPPY NATIONAL POTATO WEEK!"
I think that, in order for a me to reach for the stars, I have to keep my head in the clouds. Still, the air is thinner up there, and the lack of oxygen certainly explains a lot of my writing. Maybe my goal should be open ended, like "Be the best Greg I can be." That way, I know that even if I don't achieve all of my goals, I can still be happy with my efforts in regards to improving the world by trying to live the best life I can. For myself, and for my friends and family. Besides, I tried once to be the best Sylvester Stallone I could be, and all I got out of that was a speech impediment and a string of horrible "direct to DVD" movies.

Tree of a Kind (re-post)

2008-02-04T18:57:00.001-05:00

I'm reposting this blog for folks who wondered what post I used for a writing sample. The editors of the paper told me to submit stuff like this to magazines...

I have known some pretty good plants in my life. A few decent shrubs too. But, I like trees the best. I've spent a lot of time under trees, gazing upwards to a blue summer sky. I spent an equal amount of time up in the trees looking down at the leaf littered ground as well. No better place to be on a spring morning, especially if you were supposed to be someplace doing something responsible for once. "For once" always came after "responsible", especially when Dad said it. "Can't you be responsible for once and take out the trash without my telling you to do it?" or "Don't you think you could be responsible for once and clean up your room?" or "Is it too much for me to ask of you to be responsible for once?" If Dad actually knew all the things I was responsible for, I'd still be grounded. I liked the old pine trees behind the house the best. They were large, tightly packed trees, with about six feet from the ground to the bottom branches. You saw nothing but green if you looked to the sky under them. You could also, if you were so inclined, climb up to the second or third layer of branches and walk around between the trees. It was "instant tree house", just add a bunch of insane nine year olds.

I also have seen the bad side of trees, you know the ones, they let you climb up, but getting back down is akin to rapelling down the side of a skyscraper without the benefit of actually being attatched to a rope. That was the feeling I got, at least, when I shinnied out on a branch to tie up a rope swing for my friend Rick's little sister. The branch looked much safer and inviting from beside the trunk, but after getting out in the middle, it didn't seem like such a good idea. The branch was way thinner than I thought, and there weren't any nearby branches to steady myself with. I was stuck. A precarious predicament indeed for a guy in his early teens, made much worse by the catcalls of my friends below me. A chorus of hoots and hollers and taunts of "Never seen a bird that ugly before!" and "I'd hate to meet the dog that tree'd you!" and "You want us to ask your mom to bring you your dinner up tonight?"

Trees are great, but I'm no tree hugger. Sap is hard to get out of clothes, and besides, it makes you all sticky. And hugging trees is a good way of geting bit by some strange bug, or getting a bad scratch from the rough, scaley bark.
Good thing about a trees is, it's bark is worse than it's bite.

Splitting Hairs

2008-02-02T19:36:00.000-05:00

I need a haircut. Still, I'm hesitant to do so, as I don't have a whole lot left up there. I rememeber being a teen with gobs of hair that would make Fabio bow is head in shame. Samson would have cowered in fear before me. Narcissus wouldn't have been able to take his eyes off me. OK, maybe I wasn't all THAT, but I had good hair. These days, the best I can say is: "I still have hair? Good.
When I was a young kid, you got a haircut every few weeks, whether you needed it or not. You'd know it was hair cut day when you came home from school to see a kitchen chair sitting in the laundry room, and mommaw's clippers would be sitting on a shelf above the washer (Mommaw is what we kids called my grandmother Irene. Well, that and "Granny". I don't know where the term came from, it was in wide use in my family before I arrived.). Granny was the barber for the family, and she wasn't bad. The older folks pretty much got what they asked for. The youngsters though...I can't speak for the girls, but I never liked my haircuts. I always ended up with my hair way too short. I was probably the only 9 year old in my school who looked like he was shipping out to boot camp at any moment. Sometimes, mommaw would nick my ears with the clippers, always a wonderful feeling. Sometimes, granny would let my sister cut my hair. She thought it was great fun. I would rather have shipped off to boot camp after the previous hair cut. Jenny always nipped my ears with the clippers. Both sides. Several times. I often think thats why I finally rebelled against haircuts and grew long hair in my teens. I needed something to cover up my chewed up funny looking ears.
In recent years, I've tried to convince my wife i'd look good with a reverse Mohawk cut. She said I'd have to look good with it outside, because she wouldn't let me back in the house if I do it.
I'd also like to shave it, completely smooth, get the old Kojack vibe going on. That little woman isn't down with that idea either. I told her I'd eat lots of lollypops and tell her witty stuff like "Who loves ya, baby?", but she still won't relent. I'll never get into the Player's Club this way.
I've tried to tell her that every so often i like to change up my look. I've had: Long hair, short hair, styled hair, permed hair, spiked hair, streaked hair, and blonde hair. I've had rat tails and duck tails and mop cuts and bowl cuts and buzz cuts and burr heads and once I somehow ended up looking like Johnny Bravo. All of these were before I met her, she points out. Besides, if I shave my head she says she won't have anything for her fingers to run through. These days, I point out to her, there isn't enough left to run through. A jog,... maybe. Short stroll,... perhaps. But not a run. Not anymore.
Bran also likes to tease me about my "gray hair". Yep, I confess to having a patch here or there. She says none of them can be attributed to her, but I beg to differ. I know of at least three hairs that are entirely her fault. I'm not even going to mention the gray she has caused in my beard. (She has caused my beard to turn gray. I know, I said I wouldn't mention it, but it feels so good to get it off my chest. Which she has also turned gray.) She says I should change my screen name to "Silver Fox" or "The Gray Ghost". I shouldn't complain much, but I still think its hitting below the belt when she asks if we get the "senior citizens discount" when I take her to a restaurant.
I really should go to the barber I suppose. The more I put it off the more I'll beat myself up over it. Or I could just wear a hat from now on, although that could get awkward in the shower.
Or invest in a wig. Maybe one of those "ye olde" colonial wigs, you know,...the white ones with all the powder. Thats the ticket! I've found my new look! Anyone wishing to see it, just drive by my house. I'll be the guy with white hair, asleep on the front porch.

Mountains of Adventure

2008-02-01T10:40:00.000-05:00

Growing up in heavily wooded, hilly, rocky areas gives a person a certain outlook. You grow up climbing trees, camping, fishing, and out-door stuff like that. I never camped much until recently, but I have been fishing since I was a kid. I like fishing better than hunting, It's rather relaxing, and for the most part you never have to use a gun, depending of course on the type of fish you catch and whether or not he drew his pistol first. I don't mind if people hunt. It just isn't my sport,...but I, being a well rounded and forward thinking individual, have given hunting the benefit of the doubt and tried it a few times. Looking back on it, I probably should have went to an experienced outdoorsman to learn about it, but instead I went out with my buddies. I remember them asking me to go on a squirrel hunt, and I took all my gear: tennis shoes and a worn old jean jacket. I looked sharply out of place to my camo and boot wearing compatriots. Did I mention I'm not a hunter? Anyway, I met my best friend Rick Tellum at his house and he and his brother Gerry and I waited on the rest of the hunting party, our friends Johnny Richards and Tom May. Tom was a few years older than the rest of us but we let him hang out sometimes anyway. With the gang assembled we headed off into the woods. We saw a few squirrels going up but were too close to the houses at the base of the hill to take a shot. Rick tried to explain the subtle nuances of the hunt while the five of us stomped through the wilderness: "Try not to make too much noise; The squirrels are smart, if they hear you, you'll never get a shot." I was wondering what he expected me to get a shot with, I didn't have a gun. This was when Tom offered up: "You don't have to be that quiet, just walk to a spot and sit and rest about 20 minutes, if there are any squirrels around, they will be too busy doing squirrel things to worry about us, and will forget we are there after awhile."
"Until you start blasting away with your shotgun..." Gerry volunteered. I couldn't imagine the squirrels being frightened off when I started blasting away with acorns and pine cones, likely the only weapons I'd likely be able to scrounge up from the forest floor. Johnny's voice went up a little as he said "Blasting away? You don't just BLAST away when you're hunting, you have to play it cool, or you'll spook all the game and ruin the hunt!" "Cool?" Tom chuckled loudly, "You wouldn't be cool with a hat full of ice." Onward we went, crashing through the brushy undergrowth. "Like you know what cool is," Rick said, escalating the argument. "Who was it that had little Jimmy Dickinson calling Lisa Spencer on the phone asking "Do you like Tommy? SMOOCHY SMOOCHY SMOOCHY!" It must have been somewhere near the second "smooch" when Tom dropped his gun in a pile of leaves, which promptly swallowed the weapon, and took off after Rick. But Rick was small and fast and we heard him laughing wildly as he ran back out of the woods with Tom in persuit, loudly expressing his displeasure with the previous comment by casting aspersions about Rick's moral fiber. I looked at Gerry and Johnny, who looked at me. "Well, IF there was any chance of getting in some good hunting today it's gone now...", Gerry stated dejectedly, his voice trailing off as thoughts of deep fried squirrel, squirrel gravy and a fresh slew of squirrel tail trophies did the same in his mind. Those thoughts never entered my mind, I was wondering what I was missing on TV at that moment. The three of us walked back to the clubhouse behind Rick and Gerry's house. About an hour later Rick showed up, breathing hard and laughing hysterically. "You are certainly in a good mood for someone Tom is likely to skin alive when he catches you" Johnny said. Aw, he'll be gone awhile" Rick said. "Why is that?" I foolishly asked. "Well," Rick began, "he almost had me. I ran about a mile through briars and bushes and through the creek and back around the other side of the hill. When I couldn't go any more, I collapsed on a tree to await my fate."
"When Tom caught up to me, he was out of breath. Then I saw the wheels in his head start turning, and then it hit him, he'd tossed his gun when he took off after me. Last I saw him, he was running back to try to find you guys..." I thought about ol' Tom, and the trouble he would likely get into if he couldn't find his gun and went home without it. I then thought about him asking us why we didn't pick it up when we turned and headed for home. It was then I resolved to do the right thing, the only thing I could do. I went home to see what was on TV. Have I mentioned I'm not a hunter?

Random Acts of Writing

2008-01-31T14:09:00.000-05:00

Hiya gang. I'm back again for another few paragraphs of mirth and merriment. I thought I would continue today's two hours of writing (began on my 360 blog) here in the pages of The Universe. My buddy Point asked me If I'd given up on the Universe. Heavens no. I have, however, not been able to write much lately. Last year was a bad year for me, 4 deaths in my family, and a lot of financial strain. Like I said, last year was bad. This year, however, is going to be MY year. I declare it. Called dibs on it before last year was even over. I'm looking into going in new directions with my writing, exploring new places, writing about things I never would have before. Expressing new ideas borne of a fresh outlook and an even more positive perspective than I've ever had. I want to see what I'm capable of. I want to see what I can create. I want to see if I can contribute to, and make a difference in, the world of creative writing. I've had a lot of people telling me that I have a talent for writing. I want to see if I can develop it. Expand on what I already have. I think I can do it. I've been embellishing things for years, so why not put forth a concerted effort between my coffee pot, my keyboard, and my brain to see if I can truly write top notch material that people would be willing to actually buy?
And I won't forget about my blogging, as this will be the place where I practice and hone my skills, and will use it as a forum to self publish (after all thats what this actually is, isn't it?) some of the material I come up with.
So, I say fear not my readers who've stuck with me in the tough times and checking here when I hadn't written in ages. I also will be contributing more to my friends Point and Serena's Verbicidal Tendencies blog. Its a great blog and I remain honored to have been asked to be a contributor there. I will also try to post more to a few other blogs who've requested I contribute. Thanks again for the support friends, and keep looking up, there's going to be lots of things to see in The Universe...

Giving it a go, Pt. 1

2008-01-28T13:47:00.000-05:00

Well, I've decided to try being a writer again, so I guess this blog is as good a place to start as any. Except i didn't start here, I started at my 360 blog, and called it part 2, then I came here and labelled my 2nd blog part 1.
I'm sneaky like that. Anyway, I stumbled onto a website of a writer whom I greatly admire named Patrick F. McManus, and found some of what he says in his personal blog to be of great interest to a potential writer. Including writing everyday no matter what, and a book he recommended for up and coming (or in my case, down and going) writers. I guess in the few years I've been actually trying to write I've matured enough to go look for help when I need it. Either that or I'm so old I'm worried if I don't get on the ball soon my 10,000 page tome on the history of manhole covers (with original poetry and art work by yours truly) may never see the light of day. And if there is anything the world needs more of its more 10,000 page coffee table books (mine will literally be a coffee table) dealing with the artistic bent of the folks who forge manhole covers out of molten metal.
Still, my writing skills, though sharpened by endless hours of laying around and not doing any writing, may need work. I guess thats where Pat's idea of writing 2hours a day comes in handy. He says to write even if you don't feel like it, even if you have nothing to write about, and to make sure to do it every day. Try to do it at the same time everyday. Stick to it, and soon, the the ideas will pour from your head like candy from a badly built pinata.
I hope this works out, because, as I've discovered the same way Pat did, I'm ill suited for manual labor and I'd rather get paid for what I really enjoy doing than for using a pick and shovel all day. Besides, I'm allergic to work, it makes me break out in sweats.

Until next time...

The Tide is High

2007-12-23T00:54:00.000-05:00

I actually got some work in today, about 4 hours worth. It should have been a quick trip but the guy who gave me directions was evidently hit in the head with a blunt object at one time or another because he got me hopelessly lost. Luckily for me I was in Blackie who hasn't left me stranded too many times, and we found a back way into where I needed to go. Well, at least a 60 mile trip turned nto a 100 mile trip. Gordie is huge. I'd take a pic but now he is too large to fit in the frame and it just looks like a big brown splotch. I hope my friends in the northern hemisphere of my little universe have been looking up the last few nights, the moon will be at its highest overhead than it will be until the year 2023. I saw it for a bit a little while ago and it looked spectacular. Not to be outdone, the Planet mars will also be at its highest overhead over the next few nights than it will be until the year 2040. I've also seen it, and the old planet is in rare form. Most of you know I have an artistic bent ( I know, you thought I was just plain bent), and on occasion I like to share things I experiment with. Here is a series of photos I snapped at 11:30 pm this evening, just as the moon (nearly straight above me) disappeared behind some incoming clouds. It was pretty windy out, and you could hear it blowing and moaning through the trees near the mountain tops...

Keep on keepin' on....

2007-12-21T10:49:00.000-05:00

Well, we got Mom buried the other day, next to "Mommaw" and Uncle Carl. There was more of a turnout than I expected. Everyone got along well too, which also surprised me. Early that evening, I snapped this picture, looking west from my front porch. Since then, I've just been hanging out here, sitting in the dark (while the wife is at work or asleep) and playing guitar. Guess I'll go back to work Saturday and get on with it.

Until next time...

Mom

2007-12-13T18:24:00.000-05:00

Virginia Lee Jude passed away today, after a long Illness. She was in her own words, "aged 29, every year since she actually was 29." She joins her mother, Irene Frances Adkins, her father, George Adkins, and her recently departed brother, Carl Ray Adkins, to dwell in the house of the Lord.
Thanks Mom, for just being "mom'. Thanks for the music too, and all the good times we had.
We will carry on, and think of you often. And someday, we will meet again.

There's a land that is fairer than day
And by faith we can see it afar
For the father waits over the way
To prepare us a dwelling place there

In the sweet by and by
We shall meet on that beautiful shore
In the sweet by and by
We shall meet on that beautiful shore

We shall sing on that beautiful shore
The melodious songs of the blest
And our spirit shall sorrow no more
Not a sign for the blessing of rest

In the sweet by and by
We shall meet on that beautiful shore
In the sweet by and by
We shall meet on that beautiful shore

In the sweet by and by
We shall meet on that beautiful shore
In the sweet by and by
We shall meet on that beautiful shore

In the sweet by and by
In the sweet by and by...

Try this point!

2007-12-02T01:54:00.000-05:00

http://www.jibjab.com/starring_you/receipt/3740859

try this, Point!

Everybody rhumba!

2007-12-01T21:04:00.001-05:00

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!Here's a little song and dance by the Spelldown Ballet Company. Enjoy!

Adventure movie starring some friends of mine.

2007-12-01T20:51:00.001-05:00

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!Check this out, its hilarious! I need pics of more of my friends lol

Flash 1998 - 2007

2007-09-12T02:58:00.000-04:00

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
Will Rogers, 1897-1935

Lord, I’m sending you a special little friend to watch for me for a little while, and I thought I’d pass along some instructions to make it easier for you. He has a special little spot under his chin he loves to get scratched, and one on his back, too. And he loves getting his ears rubbed. Be sure to pet him often. I prefer if he doesn’t get table scraps,…but a little bit of steak here and there won’t hurt anything, and be sure to give him plenty of water. He will need a nice fluffy bed too. A good warm one, he loves to be warm. He also loves to play chase, so, if you wouldn’t mind chasing him around a bit, then letting him chase you,… it’s his favorite game. And a nice, sunny meadow to play and romp in too, if you can. He also enjoys a good snuggle on occasion, so don’t be afraid to hug him and kiss him right on the muzzle. He loves to lay in the sun, so a good front porch would also be a plus. And he doesn’t like to be by himself Lord, it upsets him, so make sure he has lots of little friends to play with. Thank you for the time we had him, we will miss him terribly but know he will be in good hands until we meet up again. Take care of him Lord, he’s a really good dog, and his mommy and daddy love him.

FLASH
1998 – 2007

Cave Canem

Jive Talkin'

2007-08-08T00:04:00.001-04:00

I found a jive generator on the net. It says type something into this box and it will translate it. It also has a Swedish Chef translator and a few others, but I chose the “jive” setting. This is what I typed:

“Hello, everyone. It is good to see such a fine gathering of friends here on a glorious morning such as this. It is my hope that, after much discussion (and lunch at 12:30) we can all come to an agreement with which we can boldly go forth and proclaim that the damn chicken really did come first.”

The translation it gave me:

“What it is, Mama! It be baaaad t'see such some fine gaderin' uh homeys here on some glo'ious mo'nin' such as dis. It be my hope dat, afta' much discussion(and lunch at 12:30) we kin all mosey on down to an agreement wid which we kin boldly go fo'd and proclaim dat da damn damn chicken really dun did mosey on down fust.”

Gotta love the internet.

Until next time…

The Man’s Prayer:
“I’m a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess.”

Mountain Top Hop

2007-07-24T01:48:00.000-04:00

Ok, for those who know, the wife and I have decided that a camper is the thing for us, and I have endevored to buy an RV. However, It looks like now she would rather have a small pull behind pop up camper (after I had already found an RV and was in the process of buying it) . So much for a nice camping experience. I told her we may as well just drive up a dirt road, get out, and go lay in the weeds for a week end. Where am I going to put the flat screen TV?? Geez, I'm going to have to settle for one of those rinky dink 26" models. Talk about roughing it... I'm not sure if I can take it. I'm a rough and tough guy, sure...but going like three whole days without a good size TV, a comfy bed, or even the trusty old PS2? My God, is this woman trying to kill me? This is too much for any man to bare! The fridge will be too small for any beer, or we can't have food! And how are we going to have any food with that small of a fridge??
Pray with me dear friends... as I surely won't make it back alive.
"Yea, though I camp in the valley of the shadow of dehydration, I shall fear no weevils. And deliver us a pizza, and the power from plug in, in Jayco's frame I stay, amen."

10,000 fists in the air

2007-07-23T00:59:00.000-04:00

Its good to know how many readers I have. Judging from the massive response to my last post, my popularity has practically skyrocketed. Heck, with this many folks coming here, I'll have to toss up a virtual traffic light. In fact, I haven't seen that many visitors since my last birthday bash. Many thanks to all those who came and helped me celebrate.

Old Man

2007-07-18T12:51:00.000-04:00

Ahh, what an auspicious day for me here in the Universe. It looks like my centennial has finally rolled around. 100 posts. Sometimes I’ve been stuck for topics. Others, I didn’t feel like I communicated my ideas well. But, I’ve had nothing but encouragement from my readership (both of you) and feel that this twisted little experiment of a blog has had a great effect on me: boosting confidence in my writing, and giving me a chance to sharpen my writing skills. I’ve enjoyed writing this blog, and hopefully, you’ve enjoyed reading it. I am both honored and grateful you have joined me on my highly embellished journey through space and time, and hope I have been good company thus far.

I’ve heard many interesting things about my writing. Some were good critiques, used to full benefit towards improvement of my blog. Others merely encouraging words of “nice one mate” and “good job buddy “ and “thanks for the home run, Emil” (don’t ask). I looked back through all my comments to compile my list tonight, and to be honest, I couldn't decide which ones to include here today. But, your centennial only comes once, so what the heck…
Without further ado, I kick of my “100 Posts of Wonder and Amazement” celebration with my biggest list yet. Ladies and Gentlemen, I humbly submit to you:

The Top 100 Reasons People Read “The Universe and I”

100) Had nothing else to read
99) Bottles of beer on the wall
98) Herb Alpert album cover pic
97) Because Blue gives names to his trucks and talks to them
96) Stays crispy in milk
95) Recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists
94) Now has “kung fu grip”
39) Almost has his dyslexia under control
92) Massage chairs in lobby
91) Blog isn’t responsible for global warming
90) Cold beer on tap
89) Low fat, 0 carbs
88) More redneck jokes than a Hee Haw marathon
87) No Hee Haw marathons
86) Pennsylvania pays 6% sales tax
85) Its chock full of nuts
84) The Man’s Prayer
83) Oops, I was looking for YouTube
82) Beer bongs
81) TV at every booth
80) Filmed in Technicolor
79) Obscure pop culture references
78) Half of all readers believe the blog is actually from space
76) Delivers in 30 minutes or less
75) Guaranteed not to rip, tear, snare, rust, bust, collect dust or roll downhill sideways
74) Free love and lava lamps
73) Belly shots
72) Big discounts at participating gas stations
71) Pictures of a fat guy under a sink
70) Its more monkeys than a barrel of fun
69) With 12 you get egg rolls
68) Good place to hide on the Internet, because no one would look in here
67) Pigs in Space references
66) New dance: “The Fanciful Unicorn”
65) Titles derived from songs
64) Onion soup recipes
63) Surprise guest stars
62) It’s free
61) Great view from up here
60) The Screamin’ Cheetah Wheelies (I always wanted to type that)
59) Restaurant reviews
58) Antacid recommendations
57) Heinz’ BBQ and steak sauces
56) Wondering who actually IS behind those Foster Grants
55) No need to apply directly to the forehead,
No need to apply directly to the forehead,
No need to apply…
54) Wondering where the car is
53) Running away from Lindsay Lohan
52) Eckselint speling
51) Support group for men who think of Jerry Mathers every time they hear the word “beaver”
50) Virtual jousting
49) Windows tips
48) Adventures on railroad equipment
47) Grooming tips
46) Looking for lyrics to “The Great Space Coaster” theme
45) Ultra long lists
44) Free I.Q. tests
43) A barf bag under every seat
42) Life, the universe, and everything
41) It floats
40) Still waiting for the second shoe to drop
93) Still struggling with dyslexia
38) Special references to Donnie Van Zandt
37) Two scoops in every box
36) Believes wrestling is a soap opera for men
35) Bobble head Thursday
34) Lots of nonsense
33) Flash’s nut covered chocolate logs
32) Absolutely no “Stairway to Heaven”
31) NASCAR
30) Soothing color scheme
29) Complimentary peanuts
28) All plot lines stolen from “Dukes of Hazzard”
27) Moonlit walks
26) Silly limericks
25) Submarine races
24) Only source of “WOO HOO!” and “YEE HAW!” on the Internet
23) Full contact algebra
22) Gave 2 guys banjos, made them actually duel
21) Chuck Taylor’s
20) After dinner coffee: on the house
19) Maps of Cleveland
18) All posts are USDA inspected
17) Invented Internet with my wife, Morgan Fairchild…yeah, that’s the ticket
16) Can’t touch this
15) Unlimited local calls
14) The Green Hornet
13) Its easily recycled
12) Bigger than Wally World
11) Pac Man fever!
10) Bell bottoms
9) Good friends
8) The salad bar
7) More gadgets than a James Bond movie
6) Random insults tossed in for good measure
5) Thoughtless rambling
4) Death metal sing-a-longs around the campfire, followed by beer and s’mores
3) Fricken chicassee
2) Fargo North, Decoder!

And the number one reason people read “The Universe and I”:
VALET PARKING!

Thanks to all who have visited!

Until next time…

The Man’s Prayer:
“I’m a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess.”

Time in a bottle...

2007-07-10T12:01:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. Flash was supposed to fill in a few blogs for me here, but he claims every time he tried to get online the cat insisted on going to the "meow mix" web site. And his claws kept catching in the keyboard. I think he just wants me to get him another manicure/pedicure. I guess its hard to be a modern dog these days. Anyway, after much hair pulling and cries in frustration, the latest in my long line of classes has been kicked to the curb. I gave quizzical looks to all my quizzes, got all my essays assayed, and finally finished the final.
Time for more schoolwork I guess. I'll have to see what else I need in my quest for continuing on in typical "collidge stoodint" fashion. Let me tell you a little of the techniques I tried while studying, so you can see JUST HOW HARD I've studied during this class.

Technique 1: The "force" method. I used this method first, concentrating on inner peace, letting go of my anger, I tried to make my way through the class trusting in some unknown "feeling" to get me through my tests, only to find myself seduced by the dark side of eating too much candy and playing video games.

Technique 2: Osmosis. I might have tried this technique a little more than the others, laying my head on my book and hoping any relevant info would seep in during the hours I napped during assignments. This also didn't work though, and I ended up with a crease in my forehead from the spine of the book.

Technique 3: The Steve Irwin technique. With this attempt I waded through swamps and backwaters looking for signs of education, fully prepared to wrestle it into my trap. Once I thought I'd found the lair of education and, with net in hand, waited silently in a tree along the path to the lair, but sadly, no education was to be had that day and I slowly and dejectedly made my way out of the tree and back home.

Technique 4: "Drive-by" studying. With this style of study I had some of my friends help out. I'd stand out by the street or go walking around the neighborhood. At random times, my buddies would come along in a car, slow down where I happened to be, and throw books at me. This also didn't work, but I do however think I'm ready for a professional dodge ball career.

Technique 5: The Cato technique. For my last attempt at using alternative study methods, I turned to the Cato technique. This involves me going to the library, as usual, to be attacked at a completely random time and in a completely random way, "whenever I least expect it", by the book I was attempting to study from. However, I mistook the fiction section as hiding my textbook and decided to attack first, managing only to destroy most of the "Aa" section before security hit me with the tazer and escorted me from the building, where I was assaulted by my book in the parking lot.

After all that, I gave up and tried to study the old fashioned way, by actually reading the book. I should have tried that first, as it was very very hard to see the text through all those head wrappings, and the casts made it hard to turn the pages. Ah well, you live and learn, but some lessons are more painful than others. If you'll excuse me now, its time for physical therapy and then my sponge bath. And why is that book hiding behind that potted plant in the corner of the room?

Until next time...

The Man's Prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Quicksilver

2007-07-05T23:43:00.000-04:00

Jeez, I gotta get going on the education thing. The wife has 3 more classes before her next diploma, then she's off to the next set in pursuit of a $95 dollar an hour position at the hospital.
Don't get me wrong,..I don't hold anything against someone bettering themselves, nor am I jealous of her making more money, but when I'm barely in the double digits on the pay scale it kinda makes me feel like I'm not contributing. But it's OK, I won't always be at the bottom, If I can't make it one way, I'll make it another. Maybe I'll start up a greeting card company, or I'll write slogans for breakfast cereals ("Tastes like chicken! Stays greasy in milk!!"). Flash (my partner in crime and, co-incidentally, makes a great martini) likes the greeting card idea. However, I think he just wants to do all the artwork. I want to wait for him to finish the art class before I agree to anything. Sniffles thinks we are wasting our time however, and suggests I go for the fast money in the ad game. Or I can always serve as a willing prawn (I told him it's pawn, but you can't tell a cat anything) in his plan for world domination and the legalization of cat nip. (I tried telling him cat nip is already legal but,... like I said, you can't tell a cat anything)
Still, I guess education is my best bet. If I have an education I can be useful no matter where I am, and would be better able to provide for myself, and the dog and cat.
I'll keep taking a class or two every semester, and maybe, when I'm 95, I'll be a full fledged (what the heck is a fledge anyway?) adult. Or I'll at least the worlds oldest sophomore.

Until next time...

"The Man's Prayer":
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Low Rollin' Load

2007-07-02T19:29:00.000-04:00

Wow, 12 hours of work today. A little more than I'm used to, as I'm beat. Today I've loaded and unloaded:
12 200 pound bags of clean coal from the first mine, In a little town called Delbarton WV.

18 100 pound bags of raw coal (that's straight from the ground folks, rock, dirt, and all) From a mine in Ottawa WV.

30 30 pound bags of refuse (rock and debris separated from the coal in a prep plant)
30 30 pound bags clean coal (separated and cleaned from raw coal in the prep plant)
30 5 gallon buckets of slurry(materials that is washed away from the coal and ref in the prep plant, also contains various chemicals and minerals used in the cleaning process),
all from a mine in Gund Ky.

1 55 gallon drum of clean coal (about 500 pounds)
1 55 gallon drum of refuse (about 850 pounds, rock and dirt is much heavier than coal)
1 55 gallon drum of slurry, (about 800 pounds),
all from a mine in Sidney Ky.

That's a little over 300 miles folks, and a lot of loading and unloading too. To top it all of, I was so dirty when I came home that my own dog growled at me. He's still giving me a suspicious look, but that will pass when it comes time to give him the leftovers. What a watchdog,... all someone would have to do is break in and toss Flash a pork chop and he'd be their buddy for life. Hell, he'd help them pack my stuff out to the truck and wave bye to them when they left too.
But I digress.
Anyhoo, I need to get cleaned up, grab some grub, and then head to my "room" for a bit.

Until next time...

The Man's Prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Summer Summer Summer, Its Like a Merry Go Round

2007-07-02T00:01:00.000-04:00

Since my pal mama is on vacation, I thought I'd post my newest and most advanced top ten list yet. It slices! It dices! It Julian Lennons! ITS... :

The top ten late night infomercial products:

10) Jackie Chan's Kung Fu Vacuums

9) Lisa Douglas brand Industrial Strength Hotcakes Batter

8) Mr. Microwave

7) Popeil's Pocket Pool table

6) Cash: The Ultimate Male Enhancement

5) Anything With Tony Little or Suzanne Somers

4) G.I. Joe brand Coffee: "The best part of waking up, is soldiers in your cup"

3) The Rolling Stones for AARP

2) Wilford Brimley's Moustache Wax

And the number one late night infomercial product is:

Dehydrated H2O,...just add water!

Until next time...

The Man's Prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Vacation

2007-06-29T00:20:00.000-04:00

From the home office in beautiful downtown Athens, Georgia...
Here are the top ten signs you are way overdue for a vacation.

10) Scuba diving in the lobby fish tank.

9) Repeatedly violating the dress code with swim shorts and flip flops.

8) Boss makes sense.

7) Discovering you ACTUALLY HAVE been chained to you desk.

6) Sticking your toes in the sand bucket ashtrays by the back door.

5) You reply to everyone who talks to you with "Screw you, pencil neck!"

4) Invasion of next cubicle over to claim it in the name of England.

3) Setting your desk on fire in order to roast marshmallows.

2) Boss's toupee just not funny anymore.

And the number one sign you are way overdue for a vacation:

You xerox a copy of your butt, and email it to yourself!

Until next time...

The man's Prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Emotions In Motion

2007-06-26T23:50:00.000-04:00

Gang, this evening something hit me to bring out my serious side with a little poetry. I've waxed poetic on several other blogs tonight, written an original poem for a friends "testimonial" at yahoo 360, and even mused aloud to my own hidden poetic proclivity, i.e.: providing pathos packed poetry, people.

I admit that, like most of my other passions in literature, my poetry kind of came from farce. Some of my favorite authors from back in the day (a story for another blog) would write farcical little tales (much like mine) in the pages of magazines like Outdoor Life, Four Wheel and Off Road, and Reader's Digest. I read stories of how, as a youngster in school, an author took a Classic poem reading "I think that I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree..." into "I think that I shall never know a poem lovely as my toe..." I remember reading this as a kid and nearly peeing on myself because I couldn't stop laughing. So then of course, I had to see the actual poem,...

From there of course it was limericks and messed up haiku. God, English classes in junior high were more monkeys than a barrel of fun. And who among us doesn't get a kick out of writing haiku? This form of poetry is a regular playground of comedy, complete with a jungle gym and a slide. In fact, here's a handy-dandy reference guide:

"Anyone can write
Haiku, simply stop at the
Seventeenth syllab..."

O.K., so that's an old one. Its better than "There once was a man from Nantucket".
I'm going to, sometime in the next several days, try to muster up enough gumption to give it another whirl. I can't promise how good it will be, or even if the subject matter will be all that serious (hey, ya gotta let me ease into the whole tear jerking sonnets thing SLO-O-O-O-WLY), but then again, you never know. One thing I've found since I began writing online is that, sometimes when you get on a roll and feel strongly enough, the words pour out with hardly a thought, so, who knows, maybe it will be an epic poem. Or at the very least, the worlds worst limerick.

There once was a guy, name of Billy,
which all of the ladies found silly,
"I don't understand",
"I'm a heck of a man"
They said "yes, but you're no Dilly Dilly"

Until next time...

The Man's Prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Double Platinum

2007-06-24T21:33:00.000-04:00

Good evening, true believers, and welcome to yet another blog. I posted this link in one of my other blogs, and I'm posting it here too. This little skit is just so darn funny! Its made with album covers, and there are some real classics in there. Very inventive little bit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6bUD9PJ6i8

My buddy Hale McKay said to Mama (both good friends I met in an online word game) in the comments of a previous post that he has so many blogs to write and visit, he doesn't really have time for the old word game anymore. Mama said she hardly has enough time to spread between all the blogs and the game. I am in the same boat. It seems I'm hard pressed to make it to all the blogs I need to go to, as well as having administrative duties in two other "yahoo groups" (which are basically public blogs), as well as trying to get to the game so I can talk to my adoring fan base (both of them). Who knew writing would be so much fun? I enjoy reading about Mama and my other friends, their insights on life and their jokes and funny stories. It helps me know my friends better, to get an insight to where they are coming from. In many cases, its let me see the faces of some of the people I've known now for...jeez, I guess its been about 7 years for some of you. I also thinks its cool that, for the most part, all the friends I have made over the years in the game are still my friends, and even though we don't always get to see each other in the rooms any more, we can still keep in contact through the blogs. Its also good that so many of the friends I've made have began writing. Who knows, one of these years we may all pitch in and publish a book! A massive tome it shall be, full of the adventures (and misadventures) of a rag tag bunch of aspiring bloggers who began writing as a hobby and ended up changing the world! Well, maybe it won't be all THAT good, but I'd bet between all of us, we could make it to the discount bin at the local 5 and dime.

Until next time...

The Man's Prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

School's Out

2007-06-23T11:23:00.000-04:00

Ahh, summer. Nice warm breezes, cook outs, vacations...lemonade and the ice cream truck...the scent of honeysuckle in the air...and of course, summer camp. Those were the days. I look bacl on them fondly. So do a lot of other folks, and they wan't their kids to have as much fun as they did, so it's no surprise that many parents send their own kids to camp, just like they did way back when. However, not all camps are as good as the ones we were sent to as children, but how can you spot them?
Without further ado, here are the top ten signs you've sent your kid to a bad summer camp:

10)Counsellor Jason Vorhees.

9) Swimming lake filled with piranha.

8) Upon arriving at camp, kid's head is shaved, and he taken to the airport to hand out pamphlets.

7) Potholders with the words "Help us" and "Call 911" embroidered into them.

6) Weekends in Tijuana.

5) Camp song is "Gin and Juice" by Snoop Dogg.

4) Canoeing on horseback.

3) Kids picked up at your house by a guy who looks amazingly like Micheal Jackson.

2) Mixed martial arts and crafts.

And the number one sign you may have sent your kid to a bad summer camp:

The camp is actually the Army!

Until next time...

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Screamin' in the Night

2007-06-20T00:28:00.000-04:00

Ever tried to go climb in the bed after an exhausting day, stumbling wearily through your darkened house, staggering into your bedroom, only to promptly smash you toes into the leg of the foot board or something? I hate when that happens. If you're like me you stand there in a completely clenched up ball of molten fury, cursing as silently as possible under your breath, maintaining all the composure you possibly can after doing to your toe what can only be adequately replicated with a bowling ball, a 5 pound sledge hammer and a small convoy of tractor-trailers. Or, I guess you could go to the other extreme and scream bloody murder, but your toe wont feel any better. Neither would your spouse or significant other at that point. Walking into the door frame with your shoulder in the pitch black during the 3 a.m. "nature hike" is no fun either. That's usually when I wake up the "other half". Not because of ME yelling or anything, but when I collide with things, well...I'm a big guy, so when I walk into a wall it sounds like, 280 pounds hitting a wall. There is a decidedly loud "THUD", much like slamming a wooden door. Which we have, and I always get a "STOP SLAMMING THE BEDROOM DOOR!" from the wife. Another midnight malady I hate is waking from a sound sleep needing a drink of water, only to get choked because the water wants to go down the "wrong hole", so you cough and gag and choke for 10 minutes til you're wide awake with no hope of sleeping the rest of the night. I hate when that happens. Or when the "mystery thing" crawls across your hand in the middle of the night. I REALLY hate when that happens. And of course, when the dog and cat argue about who drank the last of the grape soda, it's always at the foot of your bed, at 3 a.m. in the morning before the big important "whatever" later on in the day. Or going to bed SO tired that you can't sleep so you sit up until(...what time is it anyway? Oh yes,...1:15 a.m.) blogging. I hate when that happens. Go to bed true believers, and sleep well.

Until next time...

The Man's Prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

I Got The Music In Me

2007-06-19T00:43:00.000-04:00

Lets talk today about music. Not just music though, but things about music. Its no secret that I'm a huge fan of obscure bits of this and that, and here is a small list of my personal "coolest things in music history".

10) E.L.O. colored singles: Various 45s, printed in colors like red and purple, gave singles like Turn to Stone and Evil Woman a cool factor just a notch above most run of the mill singles in the 70's. The Styx album, Paradise Theatre, barely missed this spot with its cool album cover art on the record itself.

9) TIE: The Who's "Tommy" and Led Zeppelin's "The Song Remains The Same" Concept movies with killer soundtracks, and hilariously bad acting typical of rock bands who try to make a serious movie.

8) Elvis Presley Sun Records single "Blue Moon of Kentucky". Ultra rare, and coveted by Elvis fans. My aunt used to have one,...I remember her showing it to me once, but that was a long long time ago. Chances she still has it are virtually nil.

7) Earning their money: Watched the band Powerman 5000 play its heart out to virtually no one, as the opening act at a KISS concert. They are a good band, I stayed and watched, and enjoyed them, but most KISS fans were teens in the 70's, so the modern metal sounds of P5 were completely lost on them. The crowd proceeded to go buy beer and t-shirts, leaving the act to play to an auditorium of maybe 30 folks. They played like it was 30,000.

6) Talking to KISS manager Doc McGhee outside the Charleston Civic Center before the same concert. Made small talk about the state, recommended a few restaurants, and talked about the upcoming show. I don't think anyone else knew who he was, so I let him enjoy his anonymity and didn't draw any attention to him (because he can't get that in Cali), told him to tell the band thanks for coming out here, and went and bought a few T-shirts.

5) The New Wave of British Heavy Metal: Bands like Judas Priest and Iron Maiden brought a blistering twin lead guitar attack, leather and jeans, and an in your face attitude to change the way kids annoyed their parents from the mid to late 70's until the early 90's.

4) TIE: The Beatles and Elvis episodes of The Ed Sullivan Show: American parents' first glimpses of the phenomena known as "rock", who promptly proclaim (along with a lot of preachers) that we are all going to hell in a hand basket.

3) Coolest cats: "The Rat Pack", Sinatra, Dean and Sammy, Peter Lawford, Tom Dennett, and Joey Bishop. What else needs to be said?

2) Jan and Dean: Not the first surf singers, but a great duo nonetheless, with a back story of turmoil, tragedy, and triumph. The movie about them,"Shake, Rattle, and Roll", is sometimes shown late at night on cable TV.

And my #1 coolest thing in music:

1) Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass Band: "Whipped Cream and Other Delights", Herbs 1965 classic release, with the coolest album cover of all time. The Tijuana Brass disbanded in 1969, but the "Delights" album cover has become a classic, coveted among collectors. Before Herb would play a cut from the album to a live audience, he would often quip "Sorry we can't play the cover for you." I blame my dad's copy of this record for prematurely launching me into puberty.

Until next time....

The Man's Prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

School House rockin'

2007-06-18T10:16:00.000-04:00

Well, I've got to get a few things written, I'm falling way behind. But those of you who frequently look at my blogs (both of you) know that I seldom get things written in a timely manner. And no wonder! Besides my own blog, contributing to two other blogs, and being a group owner in "Yahoo Groups", I barely have time to shave in the morning before going to work! So what do I do to alleviate my work load and make things easier to manage? I start another blog, of course.
But the new blog is a bit different, its a Yahoo 360 blog, so most of the folks who go there are already my friends (well, they are until they read my blog, then they will likely run off in the other direction). You know, I've noticed that just about all of my friends in Yahoo are women. Oh sure, there are a couple of guys,...but the hens out number the roosters by quite a large margin here in my little virtual farmyard. No complaints here, I can think of worse things to do during the day than hanging out with a bunch of women. Oh sure, sometimes the convos get a little strained, like when I use words like "automatic transmission" or "skid steer loader".
But the ladies smell better than the guys and have interesting curves and much prettier silhouettes, so I'm more than happy to talk about anything they'd like to talk about.
In fact, if it weren't for the group of gals I see often in that certain little game room I frequent then I wouldn't have the 360 blog. When one of them mentioned the other day about getting a 360 blog and how much easier it is to keep in contact with online pals ( I don't often get to see all my online friends with my work schedule and home schedule) that I decided to go for it. I have to admit that its pretty cool, they can instantly see when I post something, and I love having folks read my stuff. Also, I can see what THEY write,....and I can honestly say blogging has reached the masses, as now most of my buddies in the room have a 360 blog, and its nice to sometimes get a little glimpse of what life is like in such far off and exotic lands as Ohio, Georgia, and Rio de Janeiro. OK, maybe Ohio and Georgia aren't all that exotic, but I guess it would depend on what you do once you get there. WOO HOO! In fact, the more thoughts I read from my friends the happier I am that they ARE my friends. They're a good bunch. Did I mention they're curvy and smell nice? I did? Never mind.
Well, its back to work for me (I need to write a few items really quick) but I can leave you with a thought for the day:

"Women: You can't live with 'em....
but trying sure can be fun."

Until next time...

The Man's Prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

The Price

2007-06-16T17:50:00.000-04:00

I never thought I'd see the day when Bob Barker wouldn't be on TV. But, as of Friday, Bob has retired from The Price Is Right. I can remember TPIR from way back, heck its one of my earliest memories,....playing in the floor with cars or something, while my mom watched the games shows of the day and then her soaps. This was before I was in school, so,... no wise cracks about skipping school from either of my trusty readers. I also remember Truth or Consequences (another Barker classic), although I have to admit I don't remember much about that one. There are certain things that instantly take me back to early childhood. Old Pink Panther cartoons (and movies, loved Peter Sellers as a kid), Hot Wheels and TYCO Trains, Encyclopedia Brown,...I could go on forever. Lucky for you, I won't. Some of my fondest memories were played out on the front porch of the old homestead, with the themes from Chico and The Man, or The Gong Show, or TPIR playing in the background. And some great TV commercials from back in the day..."Time to make the donuts..."... "IN-*duh*-GEST-chun..." "Ancient Chinese secret, huh?"...I always got good laughs from the family with my imitations (I do a great Rod Roddy) and parodies of commercials and radio DJs (that kind of explains a lot). Somehow I just figured Bob would be on TV forever, because, through nearly my entire life, he's been there on TV, the one constant in an oft changing media. But i don't begrudge him his retirement, I guess there comes a time when you just have to call it a day. And according to Bob, he'll be sleeping 'til noon, then its golf all day.
That price sounds about right to all of us Bob. Enjoy.

Until next time...

The Man's Prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Rub-a-Dub-Dub

2007-06-14T22:25:00.000-04:00

Someone stole my tub. Not my actual "fancy indoor plumbin'" tub, but an old tub I was going to recycle for scrap. I've always heard that crime doesn't pay,... especially not the way they do it around here. Still, I guess it helped me to clean my back yard up a little. But jeez, you'd think that if someone was going to steal, they'd go for the high dollar items,....fence post caps,....trash can lids...you know, the good stuff. Maybe they were restoring their trailer to its full 1973 glory and needed the Dijon mustard yellow (!) tub to complete the look. I wish they would have taken the matching toilet and sink out there too. I actually used to have the matching sink/toilet set that went with the tub, but sent them packing soon after I moved in here. The old guy who used to own the place refurbished it in the 70's, and while I love a lot of stuff from back then, I wish the guy would have picked a better color. I'd almost have preferred the "split pea vomit" green that was popular back in the day. Anything but the yellow. Oh well, I'm a few decades late for that little brainstorming session. Here's the funny part. The tub sat in my backyard for about 6 years. LOL! Seriously. The wife wanted to make one of those hokey flower beds you see in peoples yards, and I caved on the tub. I stood firm however on putting the old toilet out there. No way. I might be a redneck, but I'm not that much of a redneck. I insisted the tub go out back though, and not in front of the house, and I'm glad she relented on that one. We never could get much of anything to grow in it, and eventually, I just kind of gave up. And today its gone. I see it as: "Tis better to have bathed and lost the tub, than never to have bathed at all". I also learned that one man's junk is, in this case at least, another man's idea of a heist. I wonder if maybe I put out some other junk in the yard that I've just not bothered to get rid of, if maybe I can lure them back to steal some more. Heck, usually I have to hire someone to haul my crap off. This is starting to sound like a pretty good deal after all.
To commemorate this momentous occasion, I have written a haiku:

"Sneaky guys walk in.
Behold! the tub is no more!
Come get more junk, guys."

I think I'll call it: "Lament for an Eyesore"

Until next time...

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Journey of the Sorcerer

2007-06-13T22:54:00.000-04:00

I learned a lot of cool stuff watching Don Herbert's shows, and I probably got more than a few lectures from stuff I'd learned but put to "creative use", as I like to recall it. I loved it when something I'd seen in one of Don's shows would happen to pop up in a science class ( you know, some obscure fun fact about air pressure or the ever popular "how to find the height of a tree using only a pan of water"). He made a lot of concepts a lot more fun to try and wrap our soft mushy brains around. Mr. Wizard has gone, but we had an awful lot of fun while he was here...
We'll miss you Don, and thanks.

Don Herbert
1917 - 2007

Party on the Patio

2007-06-10T13:39:00.000-04:00

From the home office in Dothan, Alabama...I give you:

The Top Ten Fun Things to do at a Summer BBQ

10) Licking the serving tongs.

9) Flipping the burgers with a fly swatter.

8)Making cans of beans explode in the BBQ pit.

7) Sarcastically asking your loser nephew "Ya want fries wit dat?" through the whole BBQ.

6)Two words: BEER BONG!

5)Full contact badminton.

4)Extreme salad tossing.

3)Swimming immediately after eating.

2) Sword fighting with wieners.

And the funnest thing to do at a summer BBQ is:

1) Grandma's mashed potato wrestling challenge!

Until next time...

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Dirty Deeds

2007-06-07T10:20:00.000-04:00

Yikes, I need to clean my house. The place is so bad that a group of rats has presented me with a petition to either clean up the place or face legal action. The roaches have taken to driving dune buggies to make it through the piles of stuff on the floor, and termites have turned me into the health department for serving them rough lumber in an unclean environment.
O.K., maybe it isn't THAT bad, but I do need to clean. The laundry has been piled in the hamper so long that much of the clothes I have are now out of style. I opened the fridge for a snack last night and had a bowl of something long forgotten tried to strike up a conversation with me. The dishes need done, the dog needs a bath, and I need to run the vacuum cleaner. I know, I should really try to do a little cleaning everyday, but with my work schedule, and my wife's work schedule, we barely have time to go to sleep in the evenings, much less to clean. I guess it isn't as bad as I make it out to be, but still, I need to try a little harder to stop making messes (or at least to clean the ones I make in a more timely manner). So I guess that's what I have to look forward to today, lots and lots of cleaning. In any case, I thought I'd get a little posting in before relegating myself to the daily chores, so be sure to check out the IETV blog, and Verbicidal Tendencies as I have posts up there as well. What? 3 posts in a day?? Am I feeling O.K.???
I know, its hard to comprehend, but I actually contributed the one at VT several days ago, and my buddy Point got it posted today, so I actually only wrote 2 items today. Still, give them a look, I'm proud of all three of them.
In a last ditch effort to feel better about today's chores, I created a file on my desktop, named "all housework". I then right clicked the folder and selected the "delete" option. I got a pop up reading "Do you really want to delete all housework?" I chose the "yes" option, and got a message stating "all housework deleted".
I feel better now, but the house is still dirty.

Until next time...

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Jeff Lynne was a Chinese Vegetarian

2007-06-04T23:40:00.000-04:00

I love Chinese food. Its great. I like to eat with (and play with) the chop sticks. I like the variety of foods, although here at the local China Buffet, they keep a good supply of American dinner mainstays like macaroni and cheese and pizza to appeal to the fickle tastes of the young ones. I prefer the spicier dishes, lots of green peppers please.
My favorite part of hitting the local chop suey palace has to be the fortune cookies. Not many places will hand you a dessert that is both entertainment AND a cookie, rolled into one! And the great fortunes! I'd have never known that all those numbers were my lucky numbers. Actually, thinking back on the amount of fortune cookies I've disposed of, I think ALL numbers are my lucky ones.
The best fortunes though are the ones with the Chinese characters or phrases on the back, with a spelling in English, and a pronunciation key. For example, "Dou-ya" (pronounced "do ya")is "bean sprout". I can't tell you how happy I was to learn this. Why? Because I have a warped mind and know way to many classic rock songs. I casually said to my wife across the table from me, "Hey, "do ya" means "bean sprout" in Chinese..."
The wife then gives me a vacant look and says..."um, OK...I don't get it"
"Do ya" means "bean sprout" I said again....
Again I get the vacant look.
"Don't you realize that when people in China hear an ELO song, they think its about a vegetarian snack??"
"What do you mean?" she foolishly queried.
"OHHH BEAN SPROUT BEAN SPROUT WANT MY LOVE...BEAN SPROUT!!!" I sang very loudly in the middle of the restaurant, in my best Jeff Lynne voice to the tune of the ELO hit "Do Ya", and proceeded to laugh at my own joke hysterically. The wife then placed her head in her palm and proceeded to slowly shake it back and forth.
I then did a quick rendition of a Joan Jett classic: "Bean sprouts wanna touch YEAH! Bean sprouts wanna touch YEAH! Bean sprouts wanna touch me THERE!" By this point the wife asked for the check and was hurrying to the register. I was following closely behind, disco dancing to my singing "BEAN SPROUTS think I'm SEXY, just reach out and TOUCH me, come on sugar LET me KNOW!" Sometime between following the wife to the counter and watching her hand the nice Chinese lady some money, my mind also figured out the the whole "do ya" thing works for movie quotes too. I looked at the guy behind us in line and asked "Bean sprout feel lucky, punk? Well?? Bean sprout?!" Which got me a funny look from both my wife and the stranger. The wife quickly headed for the car. "Bean sprout wanna catch a movie?" I asked. The wife then attempted to contact the local "rest home" to make me an appointment, so I thought I'd leave her alone. I spent the ride home singing "Bean Sprout Feel Like We Do" by Peter Frampton, which the wife tried to mentally block. What a great evening (well, for me at least).
The moral of the story is this, folks: The next time you get an urge for Chinese, pay close attention to your fortune cookies, as they may provide you with hours of entertainment. However, you won't get "any" later on. BeansproutwhutImean, Vern?

Until next time...

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

In the Hall of the Mountain King

2007-05-30T16:13:00.000-04:00

Hey, I thought I'd throw out a quick post in honor of my buddy Hale McKay (see his link in the "neighboring galaxies" section) who has reached a milestone of 1000 posts over at "It Occured to Me", one of his blogs. Way to go buddy! He is getting close to 60,000 hits too...
And its easy to see why once you visit his blog. He's a funny guy that one, and his musings are well worth reading. He is, in fact, the guy who got me into blogging, and while my own blog hasn't fared nearly as well as his (my own fault, hard to get readers when you only average a few posts a month), I'd like to think that what successes I've had are due to him encouraging me. He's come quite a way from the earliest posts, learning much about HTML and layout, and helping me set my blog up when I've fallen behind the blogging times or wanted to add something to my blog like he has over at his. He's the guy who sees you building a dog house and grabs a hammer to lend a hand,...so I'd like to send a resounding "THANKS!" to Boston, and I'll hoist a glass of "Kool Aid" in his honor tonight at dinner. I look forward to reading his next thousand posts, I'm sure they'll be "grand". Anyone who's never been to his blog, follow the link in my side bar and have a good laugh,...and go back often, he updates frequently, sometimes several times a day.
Keep up the good work Mike!

Until next time...

The Man's Prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

"Please! Please! Please! Don't Tickle My Knees!"

2007-05-28T00:48:00.000-04:00

Ahh..., children's television from the 70's. A subject near and dear to my heart. Long time friends and my esteemed readership (both of you) know that I am a fan of early educational tv shows, textbooks, cartoons, and the like. Especially the old educational tv shows. The early seasons of "Sesame Street", "The Electric Company", "Captain Kangaroo",...and others you may not have heard of, such as "Thinkabout", "Inside/Out", and "Readalong", which featured a skeleton puppet named Mr. Bones, who sang the title to this post in his version of the old "Leg bone's connected to the...blah blah blah" song. Why such a fan of these shows, you ask? Because of the entertainment value. The shows were so much fun to watch that I found myself learning and actually enjoying it. Even now, things pops up in the daily routine and I'll remember something similar from one of the old shows and kind of smile to myself. Being a kid was (and to an extent, still is) great. But to me, there aren't many modern shows that are as fun as those old programs.
Speaking of old educational tv shows, a fellow fan and member of a yahoo group I belong to has a blog about IETV (thats "Instructional/Educational" Television) over at http://ietv.blogspot.com,
and has asked me to be a contributor. I've accepted the offer and hope to have as much fun over there writing about instructional tv as I've had (and will continue to have, don't worry you two) writing my own nonsensical forays into the world at large. I'm also going to add a link to the ietv blog in the side bar so anyone who wants to see what else I'm writing about can swing by and have a look. I already have a great idea for a post and it should be up over there in the next few days.
Thats all I have for now. Next time some silly little lesson or song you picked up as a kid pops into your head, enjoy it and think about the fun you had learning it. And maybe, if you get a chance, stop in and visit us at ietv. Maybe we can sing that old song together.

Until next time...

The Man's Prayer:
" I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Metal Militia

2007-05-26T18:36:00.000-04:00

Well, my boy Brian is heading towards the army. He graduated from high school last week, and only has about 2 weeks left before he ships to Missouri and boot camp. He hopes to be a master electrician. In the description for his training it says he will be required to "climb 50 ft. poles on occasion". I told him he should have signed up for a job which requires "sitting in a comfy leather chair sipping brandy on occasion", but he said I've seen "Stripes" once too often. Eh, I've never been big on joining military branches and such, but then my idea of fun doesn't require me to hide in a foxhole while dodging ammunition. He sees it as a way of getting ahead though, and God knows there aren't many opportunities around here for people not born rich. He will have educational opportunities that he'd never get here, and he is bent on success at any cost. Well, at least if he is going to get bent it will be in the right direction. Man, its hard to believe that this is the same kid who used to want me to wrestle him and his twin or play with Hot Wheels in the floor...or to tell him and his brother stories and jokes and watch cartoons with them. The little dude is now a full size dude with dreams and hopes for the future, both his with his girl Kim, and the future of the family. He says he wants to earn his way through life, and doesn't want any hand outs. He has worked hard to graduate, and he's a smart kid (man?) so I expect that he will do what ever he sets his mind to do, and he certainly has impressed me with the maturity he's developed over just the past few years. The night before he left, we stayed up all night and played Guitar Hero on the PS2. We talked about all the fun we've had over the years. I hugged him and told him I loved him and that the family was proud of him. He said he felt that he hadn't done anything yet to be proud of, but he would try to make sure not to do anything to disappoint us and to live up to everyones expectations. I told him as long as he never gives up on himself and puts forth his best effort that my goals were met. And besides, he survived childhood. If that isn't an accomplishment, I don't know what is.
He is sticking he best foot forward and walking into the sun with his head held high, and what ever it is he is looking for out there "in this ol' whirl", I'll be here to cheer him on.

Until next time...

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Hey you guys!

2007-05-18T15:32:00.000-04:00

Well its time for my quarterly jaunt into blog land. In fact, I just navigated in here from a "yahoo" group, and boy is my mouse tired! (ba-dum-dum). Sorry for the long hiatus but all 3 of my readers should be used to this kind of abuse by now. Anyway, My old truck Blackie is in the shop for a set of shocks and a lube job so I have a moment to type some tripe about something or another. And I think i'll touch on the subject of spam. No, not the mystery meat that springs forth from small metal-esque cans. No, I'm talking about the kind you find in forums, online game rooms and such. Honestly, if I were looking for a sex room do you think the first place I would look on the internet would be a word game in an online gaming room? OK, knowing the game room I frequent that could be a bad example. >AHEM< So anyway, its no secret that I'm a fan of old educational shows like The Electric Company, and as a fan I belong to a Yahoo group. Well, the person who created the group abandoned it and it wasn't long before the spammers took over, and after that, all relevant conversation in the room ended, supplanted with posts about male enhancement, porn, and online university degree scams. Once again, I would have to wonder about the people placing the ads, as surely they don't get enough of a response to this crap to justify the trouble...or do they? Well, after much trouble and a little cajoling of the yahoos at Yahoo, I managed to get named moderator to "The_Electric_Company" group and I think I should be able to get the phishers off the lake (pun intended).
I'll include a link at the bottom of the page for those of you who would like to stop by and check it out. The spam was just as bad in the TVOntario group I belong to. I recently found a post buried there amongst the spam about a member leaving because he couldn't find information on a certain tv show because his posts kept getting lost among the ads for better sex,...and he says his sex is ok so he'll find his tv stuff elsewhere. I hope the new moderator there can get it cleaned up, its a fun group, and I'd hate to see it get completely abandoned. Now a word from our sponsor:
I think Youtube was invented so that teenagers can not only do stupid stuff in front of just their group of friends, but in front of other idiots from all over the world. I wish I'd have thought of it.
Ok, now back to spam. I never thought I would look back on the days of pop up ads with fondness. Now there is just about nowhere you can go without a spambot periodically spitting out an ad for something. Heck, I've about given up on some places for the constant bombardment of ads. I've also made countless complaints to moderators and web sites and to my mom and nothing helped, although my mom did offer me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and those make anything better. I thought I'd had an idea of writing back and forth to each other on paper, using the postal service to avoid spam, but then I remembered junk mail, which was the previous generation's spam. Then I thought, "body language may be the way to go", but no sooner than I'd thought it, I saw a guy offering ad space on his forehead. It seems there is no place safe from advertising and I might as well get used to it. Heck, I'm afraid to doze off because I might find an ad for a sleep aid in there somewhere. Guess I could always read a book.

Until next time...

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Sled Zepplin

2006-12-22T01:13:00.000-05:00

Christmas is just a few more days away....

I hope your tree topper is as psychedelic as mine. After all, what is more reminiscent of the season than a brightly illuminated disco ball atop the yuletide evergreen?

Anyway, I hope the season finds all of my readers in good spirits and good health. I suppose I could have just told the 9 of you that with a personal note, but this seems much more impersonal and blog-like. We here at Casa - de - Double Wide, indeed all of us in the whole community of Aluminum Estates wish you and yours the merriest of Christmases.
I will leave you with this thought:
"In the old days we didn't have a "holiday season", the Christians called it Christmas, and went to church. The Jews called it Hanukka and went to the synagogue. The atheists went to parties and drank a lot. When we passed each other in the streets we said "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukka!" or (to the atheists) "Watch out for that wall!" - Dave Barry

Until next time...

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Exit, Stage Left

2006-12-19T09:05:00.000-05:00

I had a post all planned. I grabbed my morning cup o' joe and sat down to my keyboard and glanced over the headlines before heading here to the blog. Then, my plans changed as I noticed a blurb that struck a chord deep in my eternally 10 year old psyche. Joseph Barbera has passed away. For those of my international readership who haven't heard of him, he was half of Hanna-Barbera, the company who kept millions of kids glued to the tv set for saturday mornings throughout the 60's, 70's and 80's.

Tom and Jerry, Space Ghost, Josie and the Pussycats...so many characters and series that many of us still know and love (albeit, some more than others), you would be hard pressed to find someone from my generation who didn't have at least ONE favorite H/B cartoon. Responsible for many favs from Smurfs to Scooby Doo, from Hong Kong Phooey to Huckleberry Hound and one of my personal favs, Speed Buggy, the Hanna/Barbera team made a lot of good toons for TV. Heck, Scoob went on to become a movie star, but He wasn't the first H/B characters to grace the big screen. Tom and Jerry (under MGM contract) did it first, co starring with Gene Kelly for 2 movies, "Anchors Aweigh" and "Invitation to the Dance", as well as swimming with Esther Williams in "Dangerous when Wet". I always liked Snagglepuss too, and the wife remembered him when she decided I needed a nickname, although, she couldn't quite remember the CORRECT name when she began calling me "Picklepuss". It took awhile but I eventually figured out who she meant, and now "HEAVENS to MURGATROID! ( delivered in my best Paul Lynde voice)" has become one of my more popular exclaimations around here. Still, I'm "pickle" instead of "snaggle"to the wife, so my corrections were in vain. Sadly though, Mr. Barbera isn't the only notable death in the world of cartoons today. Norma Macmillan, voice actress for such characters as Casper the Friendly Ghost, Gumby, and Sweet Polly Purebread has also passed. Although many people may not recognize the name, I'm sure millions and millions of people would instantly recognize the voice.
There is sadness in the world of toon lovers this morning, but...instead of a moment of silence do something a little different. Go do something loud, and silly, and fun. Then, somewhere in the midst of the biggest belly laugh you can muster, look to the heavens and say "thats for you, Joey Boy and Norma!" I think they would appreciate knowing how much fun they gave us. Besides, after making so many millions of kids happy on Saturdays mornings, crying just doesnt seem right.

Devil Woman

2006-12-01T23:03:00.000-05:00

Well my friends, ol' Benny is gone. He left tonight for Huntington and greener pastures. Or would it be "greasier garages"? I loved that old truck, but it wasn't right for him to have to sit at the end of my drive, rusting away. Besides, Dave is a good guy and will be good to Benny, so fret not for him my friends. By this time next week, he'll be sporting a new lift kit and some 33.10-50's (bigger tires for you non-leadfooted readers) so things literally are looking up for the old guy. I have found myself, however, the owner of a primer black Camaro Z-28. She is a bad girl, alright...but I've not came up with a name for her yet. Why do I say she is bad? Well, she is sporting a lightly modded small block with Corvette heads through a 3 speed automatic with a B&M shift kit. With a 3.08 gear, she isn't built for highway cruising. Nope, she is made for "Hey buddy, wanna race?" stoplight to stoplight banzai runs. Her inspection sticker was robbed from a salvage yard by a dylexic (seriously, the "11" on the sticker is reversed...illegal as hell), the plate was forged, and she hadn't had insurance in 5 years, though shes been on the street daily the whole time. The flat black primer hue she sports along with a distinct lack of anything shiny on her exterior leads me to believe that someone wanted to be able to hide in the shadows with this car if need be...and, after giving her her first drive this evening, I think she LIKES it that way. The car is deceptively quick, and, while riding a bit rough ( as any good sports car should) it wasn't an "uncomfortable" roughness. She looks a bit haggard, but I swear she is solid as a brick wall. This is one of those cars you could really make some money with if you were into that sort of thing. I'm not, so....while I think she looks cool as she is, she was originally red, so that is what color she will soon be again. I'm going to remove the aftermarket gauges she has mounted around in her interior too, all I need are the stock dash gauges. Besides, this motor has a little less than 400 hp (but not much less) so there is no need for the extra stuff in there anyway. I also have a 700R4 tranny coming to replace the quick shifting 3 speed. I like the feel of it, but I'd rather be able to cruise the car without the motor screaming like I'm coming down the backstretch on the final lap at Indy, and the basically stock 4 speed auto will make her much more civil on the streets and more enjoyable on the highway. But who knows, I've already changed my mind about painting the car ( I thought my buddy had stripped her paint, he says she was already in primer, he just redid the job, he was going to reshoot her red himself), maybe I'll rethink the 4 speed and leave her being a stoplight terror. It certainly would make late night snack runs more interesting.

Unti next time...

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, If I have to, I guess."

"I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and new."

2006-11-24T12:09:00.000-05:00

Ralph Waldo Emerson said that. Its a great quote, and sums it up nicely. Yep, Another Thanksgiving has come, and thankfully, went. It wasn't too bad this year actually. I didn't have a big crowd here, only mom and granny. Still, the father in law stopped by for a few minutes and took a plate of food home, and we sent some to my uncle who was in the hospital. He got out today. He'd better return my plates or right back in he goes.

Our oven died a few weeks ago, and we had to special order one to fit our kitchen.
Despite not having an oven until the 9th of December, I think dinner was great. The turkey we made in the electric roaster came out perfectly, and then there was the potato salad, the green beans, the corn, mashed potatoes, gravy....and that wasn't HALF of it. I'm getting full just typing this. Banana pudding was on tap for dessert, as if I need anymore desserts! I had my share though, and am not complaining. I'll burn it off at the gym. I've been going there everyday for a few weeks now, trying to get back into shape.

My old pal Benny is going to live with a friend of mine this coming Monday. I'll miss the ol' chap and wish him well, because he deserves much more than just sitting at the end of my driveway. In his place I'll be getting a 1985 Camaro Z-28, and a thousand bucks. The car has a 350 c.i. small block with a 4 bbl carb. its primer black (it was red, but the paint was pretty faded, the guy prepped it to be resprayed) with some odd looking mid eighties aftermarket aluminum rims.
These will soon be replaced by a set of "rallye" steel rims with beauty rings and center caps from a cousin's tire shop here in town. I just like that look, and am thinking of leaving it primered too. Who needs paint? It won't make the car any faster...

I'm trying to talk my wife into buying me an "el cheapo" electronic drum kit for Christmas. That way I can play a little bit when I'm awake late at night, but with headphones, so I don't wake the neighborhood at 4 am with a spirited rendition of YYZ or Tom Sawyer. Wow, Christmas will be here soon. I'm still recovering from last year, and its nearly here again. I have no idea what to buy anyone, but I'll get everyone something whether they like it or not. I'm usually pretty good with the buying part, but sometimes,....I don't know. Never buy your wife a Crock Pot for instance. That is a bad idea. The little sandwich makers are also a no no. I once gave the wife a nice little Browning over/under 12 gauge shotgun. Lucky for me she isn't much at shooting on the fly, though she peppered the tailgate of my work truck on the second shot. Sometimes the wife will drop a hint though, so this year I think some new lead crystal items are in order.

To all my pals, and my world wide reader ship (all 9 of you), I hope you had a great thanksgiving, and, if you don't have thanksgiving, I hope it was a pretty good whatever it is you do where you are.

Until next time...

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, If I have to, I guess."

Because I Got High

2006-11-13T15:37:00.000-05:00

"I want pills! I want to get high!! I want to kill myself!!!"

That's what the gunman, who was discharging a shotgun with every sentence, was saying as he burst into Family Discount Pharmacy in my hometown of Logan WV, in a small community known as Stollings. I had just drove past that store maybe 30 minutes before all the action happened. He then ordered everyone out of the store. Not everyone managed to get out. The guy then took a combo of Valium and Xanax, about 10 pills of each, and as the drugs took effect, he began to get sluggish and disoriented and began play with the gun, cocking it and discharging it. Two of the customers in the store then managed to subdue the guy and one of them sat on the would be gunman's chest until the cops could get into the building. Schools were locked down, and the entire area, including Rt. 10, the main road through the area which leads to the small town of Man WV. But the standoff ended after about two frightening hours with the only injuries being that of the gunman.
Big time TV show style stuff like that usually doesn't happen here. Still, I guess the popularity of some drugs has opened the doors for this type of crime, and now its reached our small town.
People need to quit popping all these damn pills. What ever happened to weed anyway? At least the guys who are smoking pot are too mellow and happy to hold people at gun point. But this guy wanted to die. And, knowing the WVSP, I'm surprised they didn't oblige him. Instead, he will be taken to the hospital and sobered up, and patched up, then its off to the regional jail. He shouldn't worry about being put in the jail though, with his little performance today they will probably put him UNDER the jail.

Ah, life in a small town, ya gotta love it. Kudos to the two guys who sat on the pill popper til the cops could gain control of the situation, and kudos to the cops as well, for not killing anyone and for their quick response to ending the situation. If I'd have been one of the cops that place would have looked like a bad Sylvester Stallone movie. Good thing I'm not a cop, and actually, I'm glad none of the real cops acted that way. Too many old ladies in the line of fire.

Anyway, I thought I'd pop in and make a fast post because I figure one or two loyal members of my worldwide readership (all nine of them) know where I live, and I didn't want them to think that I'd finally blown a gasket and went on a rampage if they manage to hear about the incident in their corners of the Universe. So rest easy my fine feathered friends, it was not I who held up the shop looking for a quick fix and a one way ticket to the Twilight Zone.
Besides, who needs the Twilight Zone when you're already living in The Outer Limits?

Until next time...

The Man's Prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Time

2006-11-05T13:25:00.000-05:00

"And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but its sinking, racing around to come up behind you again."

Well, its been another year, so the countdown began anew on the 4th. For those of you keeping score at home, its Me 35, World 0. Oh sure, I took a few good hits, and stumbled a time or two, but they haven't knocked me out yet. As a kid, the years couldn't go by fast enough. Now I find myself in the first week of November wondering what the hell happened to September and October. I guess time flies. Especially when you aren't looking.
My Dad's sister died the other day. I found out about it the day after the funeral, in a local newspaper. LOL. Way to go family! Lets hear it for togetherness! Eh, I don't care who dies, I'm not in anyone's will or anything. But if I were, I'd consider going to the reading.
Ol' Benny is looking a little worse for wear these days. I don't really drive him anymore and he's just kind of sitting at one end of my driveway. I hate to see him just sitting like that so I'm going to trade him to a buddy for an old Camaro. My buddy Dave really likes Benny. He's an S-10 kind of guy I guess, and he has enough parts laying around to really fix Benny up. If I can ever get my photo and image software to work again I'll post pics. (I know Amy, ya wanna see the Nova. Soon, I swear.)
The wife keeps telling me I'm not funny. However, I don't know what she means; I crack myself up. I guess thats better than nothing.

Until next time...

I've Got two Chickens to Paralyse (with apologies to Eddie Money)

2006-10-13T18:10:00.000-04:00

Of course, that title should be "Two Tickets to Paradise". But my recent trip to Tennessee was anything but paradise, and since the trip was all wrong, I figure the title for this entry should be a little skewed as well. I kept telling the wife I wanted to take my truck, Blackie, on our trip, but settled when she insisted on our little car. On our way through the local car wash the morning of our trip, the side rollers on the automatic wash came out too far, knocking BOTH side view mirrors off the car(You read that right, true believers). So, a quick jaunt back to the house to get my small tool set, and I had the rest of the power mirror assemblies off the car and we left on our trip, late and frustrated, but convinced the rest of the trip was going to be fine. Just outside Tennessee, the wife went to roll down her window to let a little fresh air into the car. "FWOOMP!" went the window, falling from its track to inside the door with a muffled thud. Its a good thing I like to watch those do it yourself tv shows. Even better, I like to watch Red Green, so I had the handy man's secret weapon already on hand. We were "backwoods chic" now, our car sporting two broken mirrors and a window duct taped into place. We pulled into the cabin rental office to pick up our keys to our cabin, haggard but relieved to have finally made it. We made it to our cabin to find it wasn't as secluded as we first thought. In fact, it was so packed with cabins it was like being in a wooden trailer park. Its kind of hard to relax in a hot tub thats visible to 40 other cabins wrapped around a hill. After settling in, we decided to run down to a local store to grab a few snacks and liquid refreshments and all seemed normal. Sleep came slowly that night, I just had a nagging feeling. I figured out what it was the next morning when I discovered my wallet with all my money, my time card for work, license and credit cards was missing. The only place I had been was that small store the night before, so I went back. It wasn't there they said, or at least, no one turned one in if they had found it. Sigh. I looked in the trash out back, hoping that if someone did steal my money or whatever if they found it laying, that they would have tossed everything else. No luck there. I looked around where I'd parked the night before, and lo and behold, I found it laying under another vehichle, a nightshift employee, who evidently parked over it and kept anyone from seeing it. All was intact in the wallet: money, cards, the works. Joy. Maybe the trip was going to get better. Well, I soon found out it wasn't going to get any better. The wife decided she just wanted to lay around and not really go see any of the attractions of the resort town we were in. Which meant I got to spend like 200 bucks a night to sit on the couch and watch tv. I should add at this point that I can do that at home for way less money. We did visit a few restaurants though. I'm glad they all served alcohol. If I have to watch tv all week I was going to do it as stewed as half the dishes on Food Network. One good thing on the trip, I got my old dragon tattoo on my back redone and recolored. Its looking as good as new now, and as soon as I get my picture crap on this puter working again I'll post a good image. I'll also post the ChevyII pics for my buddy who wants to see it badly. Wife decided to try out a shortcut on the way home which added 2 hours to our driving time. I was just happy to put the whole "bad trip" behind me and get back home. I guess with all the problems with the car, we were lucky to have taken it. If not, we'd still be somewhere down south, because as soon as I jumped in ol' Blackie, my truck, to make a quick jaunt to the local store...the clutch went out. Geez. If that wasn't bad enough, I think the dog and cat threw a wild party in our absence. I found a keg tap hastily hidden in my kitchen closet, and all the ashtrays were dirty. The cat is too cool under pressure to give up any details, but I think I can get the info I'm looking for out of the dog if I with-hold the doggie treats long enough.
Until next time...

All rise for the Man's Prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, If I have to, I guess."

EDIT: I nearly forgot, I told the gang at Jess's Fine Line Tattoo (865 908 8078, 3345-A Parkway, Pigeon Forge, TN) that I would give them a shout out.
Thanks for the great job you did on my tatt Salvador, I'll see you guys again soon for my next ink job, I already have a design in mind. If anyone out there is headed to Tennessee and wants ink done, get it at Jess's, "Get pricked by the best!"

Truckin'

2006-10-07T16:24:00.000-04:00

Well, its that time of year again. No not christmas shopping season, although some stores have started that already,....
I mean its our anniversary again, and time for our annual trip. We never venture far, and this year we are again heading to Tennessee. Not a bad parcel of land out there, good place to relax a spell. We don't catch any of the shows or any of that sort of thing while there, although we may take in a park or museum, and the occasional round of putt putt golf for the wife (Reminds her of when we were dating, and I was cheap. Or maybe its because I'm still cheap. Who knows.) I mainly want to sit in the hot tub, trying to put out of my head the damage I face when I return home after leaving the dog and cat here alone for that time. Well, I should say not completely alone, the Mother in Law will be coming down a few times a day to let out the dog and feed and water and pet them. But after the party they threw last year while we were out..., I mean geez, I'm just now getting the pizza bill paid down. It won't be too bad. The cat wouldn't care if we came back or not, as long as his food bowl was filled, and Flash...well, I guess he can occupy himself licking and scratching and sleeping, Its what he does most of the time anyway, and he's gotten quite good at it. I'm just glad I don't have any fish. I wanted to take Blackie, my trusty Ford Ranger this year and maybe look for an adventure or two off the beaten path, but the wife says the only thing getting beaten down any path would be my cranium if I thought I was going to get her lost in some hollow somewhere 500 miles from home. So, we're taking the car I guess, and sticking to the main drag in our cruises and such. I'm looking forward to some good dining while away and I'll give a few hints on the good places to eat and loaf if you get down to where we will be staying at anytime in the near future. I have been taking some cool pics with my new camera phone and wanted to post a few but of course, my software decided to malfunction so it will have to be when I come back and reinstall it on the 'puter. Theta (my computer) hasn't been in the best of health either, Otto (my printer) and I have been worried. Yes, I call my computer and printer "Otto and Theta" after the talking monitor and self typing typewriter on the TVOntario show titled "Read All About It". Yes, I also already know I'm weird. I also have news from the readership side of my universe. I get bombarded with requests for new posts almost daily, and my readership is nearly up to 9! Give the staff here at the universe a nice round of applause would you? No,... applause, not applesauce. And being the only member of my staff, I thank you. To be honest with you, I hate to travel, and would much rather stay home and in the bed (sleeping, you dirty minded so and sos. Both of you). But the wife is a rambler and would stay on the road if she could. Plus if I have to pay for it, I may as well go eat out every night and loaf in the tub. No sense in her getting to go and be happy, I'll tag along and make sure she is as miserable as I am. Eh, who am I kidding, I'll have a big screen tv and a playstation 2 with me, how could I be miserable?
I almost forgot myself, I'll find a way to be miserable... I'll just have more fun doing it. Well, I'll report back when we return. For now, I have to figure out where the keg on the front porch came from, and why there are a bunch of dogs and cats camping in my back yard.

Until next time...

Sunrise/Sunset

2006-09-19T19:57:00.000-04:00

I'm almost ashamed of myself. I was nearly set to write something witty and humorous (well, to me), and then I realized that I was about to waste a post on something trivial when there are much more important things going on today that need to be discussed. In fact, my thoughts are with Terri, Bindi, and little Bob Irwin. They recently lost a husband and dad, and an all around good bloke in Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter, and tonight Animal Planet is broadcasting the public memorial set for 9pm this evening from Steves very own "crocoseum" . I am not a "tree hugger" by any means, but I did believe in what Steve was doing. He did so much to educate kids the world over about our planet and the creatures (mostly dangerous) that we must share the planet with, and really, he made some of the creepiest of the creepy crawlies seem..., well..., likeable. And he was a regular riot on two feet when it came to having a good time and throwing yourself headlong into whatever you were doing and enjoying it. There arent many people lucky enough to live life doing what they love to do, and I envy him that. He seemed to be the happiest guy on the continent of Australia. I would love to have sat around a fire and listen to him "yarn", I'll bet the adventures not fit for tv were pretty hilarious. Its fitting then that his family buried him in his zoo which he loved, and for the service, they did what steve loved the most, they sat around the fire and told stories. Well, I'm off for a bit, the memorial for steve will air in a few hours and I'm going to watch it and remember Steve for the guy he was. And I'll probably annoy folks for the next few months with some bad Steve-o imitations. But hey, its my own little tribute.

Bye mate, ...rest easy, you've earned it.
"Crikey, have a look at that! Wasn't he a little beauty?"
Steve Irwin
1962 - 2006

UPDATE: The service was great, an apt and fitting tribute to a heck of a guy. It will air again tonight at midnight for those of you who missed it. Bring Kleenex, it has its share of crying moments. But, true to Steve, there are some funny moments too. Bindi is doing well, as is Bob. Terri still looks to be taking it hard, but thats understandable. My prayers are with them.

On With the Show

2006-06-04T03:43:00.000-04:00

Wow, I had to post this as soon as I saw it. Juan Valdez, the guy many of us imagine brought us our coffee for nearly 40 years is retiring. Actually, the guy retiring is Carlos Sanchez, who played the erstwhile farmer turned spokesman for all this time. Having been a Blue Dilly for less time than there has been a Juan Valdez means I don't remember a time without my burro pulling pal being on the tv in commercials, as well as turning up many other places as a pop culture icon. I remember seeing him when I was a kid, and then later asking Mom if she was enjoying her "fine col-ummmm-bian cofeeee" in about as bad a spanglish accent as has ever been attempted. Mom just raised her eyebrows and gave me that look. You know "the look". Every mother has one. I got that look a lot, especially when I burst out with a "Tattoo from Fantasy Island" remark or a Juan Valdez snippet or any of a million other voices I'd heard on tv or the radio. The look I liked the best though was from an old Bugs Bunny cartoon where I'd blurt out at the most opportunistic time I could, such as a family card game, and in the deepest, most melodramatic warbling baritone I could muster: "...Kind of OUT smarted you, EH little chum!!??" This nearly always got me "the evil eye." Oh well, I guess its the end of an era. I grew up. Juan grew old. Lord only knows what happened to his burro. And so it goes. Good luck Carlos Sanchez, wherever you are. Have a cup of joe on me. For tv lovers, its the end of an era. For Emilio Estevez, however, its a chance to finally do some real acting.

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Until next time...

Stayed Awake All Night

2006-06-03T20:28:00.000-04:00

We had a pretty bad storm here yesterday. Lightning struck a large, and I mean LARGE tree just down the road from my house, and the resulting pile of lumber would have made a family of beavers proud. It also rendered me electricity-less for the better part of 14 hours yesterday, brecause said tree fell onto a power pole and literally obliterated it. And it was hot and humid here yesterday, and as a result, I couldn't sleep. I did find out though that when you blink the flashlight on and off really really fast at my cat Sniffles, he blinks...really really fast. Having a snack was also out of the question last night, because I was afraid to open the frige and let the cool air trapped inside escape because we just went to the store a day or two ago and the thoughts of all that money going out the window just wasn't appealing. I had light to make a sandwich though, because fortunately, my camera has a flash bulb. I now have 147 pictures of my kitchen counter. It wasn't that bad I guess. I'd considered writing a post the old fashioned way, with quill and parchment (do they still sell parchment I wonder?) the way my buddy Point does, but I don't have the patience for that, and besides, I never really know what I want to say until I sit here to type it. I managed to contact an old guitar playing buddy of mine though, so I can say my band is unofficially up to 2 members. Unless he changes his mind, in which case I'm still a solo act. Well, the wife wants me to rustle up some grub, so I'm outta here for now, more to come tomorrow.

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Until next time...

God of Thunder

2006-05-31T15:16:00.000-04:00

"Wow," I thought just a few minutes before writing this post. "Looks like its gonna be a DOOZY". But just as quickly the thunder stopped, but it still looks like rain. I remember standing out in a rainstorm once on a day like this. Well, actually, it was night, but it was still raining. Leaning up against the wall of a bar listening to the band playing inside. Hearing small mistakes the drummer was making, either in tempo or simply just missing parts and thinking "GEEZ, I wish I was in there...I'd show them!" I couldn't show them though. I was only 14 and there was no way in hell the owner was going to let me in. Eventually I did get in, and when we played we gave it everything we had, like it was Madison Square Garden or something. We actually weren't bad either, and soon after we started playing we had an offer to tour the south. That never happened though, the bass player decided I was too hard to deal with, I guess because I wouldn't always bow down to his demands, as far as the direction of the band went. He went to the guitar player and told him that "thay needed to get rid of me, and get someone else."
It might have worked too, had the guitar player not been one of my best friends. Soon after, we met at the guitarist's house to practice, and the bass guy says "Dude, me and guitar guy have been talking, and we've come to a decision." And I said "Oh really?" And then guitar guy says "Yeah, bass guy wants to get a new drummer..." then he kind of looked at me and said "but I'd rather just get a better bassist." At that point, bass guy's jaw about hit the floor, he packed up his gear, and left. Sadly there aren't a lot of bassits around here. At least, none the right age who played the type of music we played back then. So that kind of killed that band. I mean, we tried to go on, but between not finding a good metal bassist, and his upcoming marriage...we just kind of gave up. I moved on to other bands, and my buddy got married. In 1991, he died. I've been in maybe 15 bands since then. All cover bands, no original tunes. But every so often, on days like this, I think back to that first band. We wrote all originals. No covers. And really, we had a blast. But we were too good for our own good, if you know what I mean. We were destined to implode. In the short time we were around though, we ruled the clubs in this area. Back then, we were the gods of thunder and rock and roll.

Rock Bottom

2006-05-28T23:55:00.000-04:00

Geez, physical therapy is a killer. Its been a long time since I've worked out to the degree I am now on a daily basis. I thought it was supposed to be 3 times a week, but NOOOO. My wife, knowing eveyone in the local medical community has seen fit to have my schedule increased (I have to admit that I thought it was a good idea...at first) to try and get me back to work. Well, at least my max bench press is still almost 300lbs, but I'm not saying how close(or how far away either lol). My pals who know me from our online game room know I've always been into music, and I'm sure they have seen my last post with my new toy. I've been practicing about 2 hours a day, and...well, to be blunt, I'm getting that itch again to get back on stage, but this time I'm going to do it a little differently. This time I'm playing guitar instead of drums. Don't get me wrong on this, my heart will always lay behind the drum kit, and I'm not even sure if my playing guitar in a band will even be do-able with my love for the drums, but I'm going to give it one heck of a go. I blame this latest musical erection on my buddies at www.kramerforum.com .
These guys all share a passion for music and or favorite brand of extinct classic guitars, Kramer. And as of late, I've been listening to thier original and cover music, and hearing their tales of musical dexterity and heroism,...and I hafta admit I'm about to drive the wife nuts with my own
dreams of local music scene domination, so, in addition to all the other things I've announced here and never followed through on, add this to the mix: I'm getting the band back together, because I'm on a mission from god.
For those of you who caught the "Blues Brothers" reference, good for you, and please add a gold star after your name. And to all you who want to see what I'm talking about with the whole Kramer forum thing, drop in and look around, you aren't likely to find another group of guys this cool and knowledgable about music and guitars anywhere else on the net. I'm the guy called "short_circus" in there(big surprise to my pals lol) so stop in and look around.
And for the rest of the planet, beware of my band, because:
ROCK BOTTOM
is back! And this time, I'm taking no prisoners.

Battle Axe

2006-05-24T16:55:00.000-04:00

Sorry its been so long but the wife has made me keep off my knee, so getting to my computer has been a bit of a problem. After all, I'm not going to argure with a woman holding a gun. Or a nurse holding a gun for that matter. Anyhoo, my knee is getting better, and I'm super relieved that I wont have to have surgery on my ACL. Now, its on to physical therapy for a few weeks then back to work. I have a new toy to play with though, hence the title of this blog. A brand spankin' new Dean ML electric guitar. For those of you who don't know, this guitar was the brand of choice for many hard rockers, the most famous of which was Darrell Abbott, and this just happens to be one of his Dime signature "Dime-o-Flame" models.
Here is a shot of me shredding it up a few minutes after I got the thing in the house. Wicked looking, ain't it? Although I've had many guitars, this was my first brand new one, and I had it sent through a pro guitar shop to make sure it would be perfect right out of the box. It was. I was so excited to get it that I sat and grinned at the box like a kid waiting on his parents to let him open his Christmas presents. Now for some more good news. My wife's hospital opened its new ER yesterday(see picture above), on schedule and below budget. She worked her arse off getting that place going, and her hard work and dedication have paid off for the community. Paid off for her too, as higher ups in the hospital have noticed her work and know that without her, the project might have turned out below expectations. I'm proud of her!

the man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Until next time...

Hold the Line

2006-05-22T18:42:00.000-04:00

WHEW! Been a long time since i posted. Sorry about that. But, If you check back here in a few hours, I'll have a post,...it'll be a good one too, I promise lol.

Mother

2006-05-13T17:33:00.000-04:00

Another mother's day is upon us. Soon, florists' phones will be ringing off the hook, and the local Wally world will be awash in sons and husbands looking dutifully for that certain Whitman Sampler or rose that isn't too nappy looking. Yes, moms of the world, your loved ones wait until the last moment. Not everyone, mind you, but I'd wager a guess that most of them put off shopping until its almost too late. Ever get a pair of houseshoes that you wouldn't be caught dead in? How about a "bath set" with soaps and loofahs and assorted other smelly things in a fragrance you can't stand? Or worse yet, a set of dish towels or an apron? Yep, I'm afraid you have been a victim of late holiday shopping if you've ever gotten a gift like these. In my case, the precedent was set by my mother herself. I'd get birthday cakes proclaiming "happy thanksgiving!" or "lordy lordy look who's 40"....and I'd be like 8 at the time or something. As a result, I figured out that waiting til the very day of the celebration is the time to go get presents and such. And you are supposed to get your cakes and things from the "half off" rack at the supermarket deli. At least, thats what I thought as a youngster. Even now, though I know better than to do these things, I still can't help but wait until the last minute to buy mother's days stuff. I guess because I think you should be treated the way you treat others, because, after all, thats the only fair way to do things. I found a great little cake for mom in the shape of a baseball with "Thanks for the home run, Emil!" emblazened across it in bright green icing. And I found the perfect card for her too, it reads "May your Bar Mitzvah be a joyous one". Signed: Love ya mean it, Blue.

To all you Mothers out there, have a good one.

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Until next time...

All the Young Dudes

2006-05-07T19:53:00.000-04:00

In looking back on my life, I can probably explain how I twisted my knee. Its quite simple really. I've had WAY too much fun. Don't get me wrong, everyone is entitled to a few chuckles here and there. Even a good chortle once and a while. But when I was a kid, it was non stop action. I rode bikes or ran through the hills from daylight to dark nearly every day. As a result, I wore a lot of bandages. Whether it was crashing a bicycle or falling out of a tree or whatever, if it was possible, I think I managed to do it at least once. Try this one on for size, remember the Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser station wagon? With the raised rear roof line and slanted windows in the roofline? There was an old one in a back alley a few hundred feet up the road from where I grew up. My friends and I (about 9 yars old) used to run across it (we didnt weigh enough at that time to dent the roof) and in through one door and out the other, etc etc., while playing games like "tag" and "hide and go seek". Yeah, I know, but hey, we were kids, we didn't know any better. Anyway, in one of these such games, I manage to mis-step and put my foot through one of the slanted windows in the Olds' roof. I got more than a few good cuts and scrapes from that one. Another time, when I was around 14, I wiped out in a curve on a bicycle. It was a dirt road, and I was on one of those old 10 speed bikes, with the real skinny tires. They dont quite hold in a corner on a dirt road. You live and learn I guess. But my successes were just as rough: scrapes and cuts and bruises from tree climbing and hill climbing, backyard football and wrestling matches, boxing as we got to be older kids, and too many other rough and tumble activities to list really. It wasn't all that bad though, it wasn't like a life or death kinda thing. But it was an adventure, and I loved every minute of it. And besides, the scars make interesting bedtime stories for Flash and Sniffles.

Walking in Memphis

2006-05-04T19:41:00.000-04:00

Ahh, forward mobility. You gotta love it. I'd even love backward mobility or a little of the sideways kind. But instead I guess I'll settle for hopping around a bit. Why the sudden wistfulness for hoofing it? Well, I kinda sprained my knee. How, you most likely would like to know? Well, I'm not sure. Its been hurting as of late, and I chalked it up to where I had broken it a few years ago. But over the past two weeks or so, its gotten more tender every day, and in trying to nurse it around ive managed to tweak it, not once, but several times over the past few days. Guess Flash is on his own in the car chasing department for a few weeks. Well, I guess I could get a wheel chair and wheel him along after the cars in my lap, but I did tghat once and got a ticket for riding my wheelchair in the street. I tried to tell Flash we shouldn't chase cop cars, but he never listens. The cop asked if Flash had a license, but since he wasn't driving, I didn't think it was relevant. I have noticed how nice the tub feels on my knee though, but I'm always looking for an excuse to soak in the tub, and truthfully, it feels good whether I'm in need of a good soak or not. However, all the laying around putting ice on my knee keeps me from being online as much as I would like, and I've not gotten on much this past week anyway. Now with the knee tied between a couple scraps of 2x4 (a hillbilly splint) and a wife bent on keeping me from walking on it, I'm getting behind on my blogging, and I'm sure my readership (all 4 of you) is chomping at the bit for me to post something. My brother had offered to come up and sit with me,...but I found out later that what he meant was sit ON me. Darn older brothers. This was the same guy who wanted to join the ATF because he thought all they did was drink and smoke and play with guns all day. I swear mom should have named him "Jethro". Oh well, I guess you can't always get what you want. But if you want smokes, guns, or beer, my bro is the guy to talk to.

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Until next time...

Not gonna let 'em catch the midnight rider...

2006-05-01T10:52:00.000-04:00

Sorry about how long it took to update, but you know how my work is. Anyway, I'm in my truck most of the time, so I hear a lot of radio. And I do mean A LOT. I've become quite familiar with stations from all over the place. I've also discovered that am talk radio is great for keeping myself awake. That and high school sports. Not that I'm a fan, but its impossible to go to sleep with all that racket going on. Don't get me wrong, I think high school sports are great and all, but I don't have a kid playing, so I just cant manage to get worked up about it. I find classic rock will put me out quickly. I guess thats because I like it so well. I must relax or something when listening. thats why I don't listen to it while working,...halfway through a long shift with a ton of coal in the back of my truck isn't the time to go dozing off and smashing telephone poles and fences and trees. Es[ecially the trees, they have a way of jumping in front of you, and nothing will ruin a nice paint job like a giant Oak. Every so often I'll listen to a little country, but not too often. Makes me want to get drunk and cry, so I don't often indulge. Bluegrass is also great for keeping awake. Not only is it too busy a music to EVER lull anyone to sleep, its great to pull up to a car load of baggy panted, sideways hatted suburban gangstas who are blasting some rap and crank up "Foggy Mountain Breakdown" through your own set of 1000 watt amps and subwoofers. I get lots of strange looks though when I'm jamming the Bluegrass. Most of them are from my wife. She won't ride anywhere with me either. I also listen to a lot of truckers on the cb radio too. There are some interesting chaps out there on our highways. After listening to them, I can honestly say this: I don't drive on the highways anymore, I stay on the back roads. Those guys are all nuts. So, if any of you are ever driving through this part of the country, and, along some back country road you hear the faint strains of "Duelling Banjos", have no fear. That's only me, driving along, trying to stay awake.

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Until next time...

Mexican Radio

2006-04-28T18:55:00.000-04:00

Ay caramba! Indeed. It seems those illegally in the country are demanding to be recognized. problem is, most folks are recognizing them for what they actually are: a burden to the rest of the people who have a right to be here. Sure, they are vital to America, I mean, where could we possibly find people to run burrito stands? And what about getting grass cut? Good lord, we would be a society of people without gastro-intestinal problems walking amid tall patches of the native flora. And what about the poor immigration office employees? Looks like ruination for them. I'm actually amazed that these folks who have managed to find jobs (many millions of them using stolen social security numbers on job applications) are claiming to be vital to our economy. They send most of their hard earned cash back to "Me-he-co" for their families there. So we are actually losing money on this deal. All these people who are here illegally are making a big fuss about wanting to be here, while those immigrants who have went through the proper channels or have family who have waited for years are also getting shafted. Why do things the right way when you can expect to be rewarded for breaking the law? I say ship them back. And make them all go to the back of the list. In fact, Ban them and their families for, say,...10 years. And if they get back in here before they are allowed, make it a lifetime ban. And as far as the boycotts they are planning are concerned, I don't think if they all walk off the job it would shut anything down. In fact, that may help us more than they could have thought. After all, I know I've been waiting on my chance to be a fruit picker.

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Until next time...

King of the Road

2006-04-25T17:43:00.000-04:00

I spend a lot of time on the road in my truck. As a result, I spend a lot of time eating crappy take out food. So, whenever I get a home cooked meal without cooking it myself, I'm all for it. Tonight, We are having a nice spaghetti with meat sauce, but made with chicken instead of hamburger. the sauce is nice and thick and rich, with just enough of the right spices to give it a good flavor. A little toasted bread and a few mild peppers and you have the makings of a memorable meal. I'll eat peppers with anything. I love them. And the hotter the better, but I went with mild here, mainly because we only have mild peppers here at the moment. I need to go to the store. I've had many different pasta dishes, many of them claiming to be spaghetti. this one though, is very good. I will have to figure out what brand of chicken the wife used in it. I need to eat less red meat too, which is another reason why the experiment with today's menu.
Well, enough blogging, back to the eating.

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Until next time...

Love for Sale

2006-04-24T13:59:00.000-04:00

Well,...I just got an email from Blogger. It seems I'm not a spammer after all. I don't like Spam anyways. Or Treet. Vienna sausages are ok. But not spam. Just think how terrible the world would be if spam were to permeate every aspect of our lives and not just irritate us online. For example, would you want to read your child a book titled "Green Eggs and Spam"? I think not.
Or enjoy your 4th of July cooking Spamburgers on the grill? Eww. (Although I've heard its actually pretty good, I must point back my 3rd sentence in this blog, I don't like Spam.) And speaking of our online lives, how much of a bother would it be if the spam you find in your inbox actually was Spam? How would they manage to send it over the internet? And would it ruin other email in the inbox? Not to mention the effects it could have on your computer...
To quote Monty Python, the comedy troupe that I think said it best: "SPAM spam spam spam SPAM spam spam spam SPAM spam spam spam...."
Now, if you don't mind, I just got a strange urge for corned beef hash.

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

On the Record

2006-04-23T09:50:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking about records a lot lately. The album kind, not the "guy jumps 17 llamas on a scooter" kind. I remember pouring through the collections we had in the house growing up: Dads classical and country, with the occasional compilation album thrown in for good measure. He also had some Herb Alpert (which I still think is one of the best album covers I've ever seen).
My older brother of course was having none of that, his collection was filled with tasty tidbits like Zepplin, The Who, Styx, Frampton and Boston.
My moms stuff was all contemporary and traditional Christian stuff, many local recordings featuring the band she was in or friends bands and such.
My sister on the other hand, had things like Leif Garret and Shaun Cassidy. I can still remember the Posters of Shaun and Parker Stevenson on the walls of my sisters room. She also had a few Dolly Parton albums,..and Elvis...and the mandatory (at the time) few dozen disco compilation albums.
I myself had a few records early on, but nothing to speak about. A few old 45's of spider-man stories, in fact, I had a bunch of story albums and such, and a few albums of kids songs and chipmunks and such like that. I remember listening to a bunch of that stuff growing up. There must have been 500 records in that house. That's not including the singles. Or the 8 tracks. Those were going out when I was a kid. I in fact barely even remember buying them new, in stores. My collection, which seriously started when I was around 11 or so, was mostly on cassette tape. Many of the albums my brother used to have on album I bought again on cassette, and other artists too. I had every genre coming and going. You name it, I probably had it. Still have most of it. I think I'll go rummage through a few boxes and see what I can dig up.
And maybe I'll give an album review of what I find.

Until next time...

And now a word from our sponsor.

2006-04-22T14:11:00.000-04:00

This is hilarious. I have word verification on my comments to keep from getting spam left as comments to what I write. Well, now there is a word verification on my posting page where I write my posts. Why? It seems that Blogger, the host of my fine feathered blog you are reading, thinks I'm writing a spam blog. HA! Only spam here is the ads, which I might add, are offered to bloggers on their blogger dashboard (the control panel from which you operate your blog). Seems funny that Blogger would encourage me to put ads on my site, and then get mad at me because I do so. Oh well, such is life. One man's SPAM is another man's TREET, or something like that. Maybe I should get rid of my ads and start writing about the evils of making money in today's world. A whole new "fight the power" movement, with all participants eschewing money and all personal possesions in order to move to a far away commune to eat berries and twigs and make our own clothing from wild grasses and plants. Or not. Great, tomorrow when I go to post there will be a password protection thing here stating that "we sensed you were starting a cult, and in an effort to keep cult bots from using our site we require a password before you can post" or something to that effect. Maybe I was flagged for writing the names of certain items here in my blog. I could try writing without them if they prefer: "It was only yesterday when my wife jumped into our un-named automobile, and drove somewhere to purchase a quantity of something. "This is the greatest thing since sliced pieces of an unknown food product!" I exclaimed loudly. the wife nodded her agreement while munching on a handful of some organic food item given as a sample at some establishment we travelled to." Sounds a bit bland. Well, maybe I could get used to it.

Until next time, if there IS a next time...

I Can't Drive 55

2006-04-21T12:42:00.000-04:00

I like to move. And no, I'm not talking about dancing. As far back as I can remember, I've loved cars, motorcycles, bicycles...anything with wheels really. I suppose this is what led me to most of my jobs, which have all basically had me driving most of the time. I didn't last long at the few jobs where I didn't drive,...it was absolute torture staying in one place all the time. I had a lot of experience with the various forms of transportation I've encountered since I've learned to walk.
These are my favorites, in a handy dandy top ten list.

10. Go carts. These noisy little contraptions were the first self propelled (well, barely) contraptions I ever learned to operate. Back then you could ride them safely all over my community, there was no traffic at all because everyone was at work.

9. Big Blue, my first "big kids" bicycle I got as a kid. blue and yellow, with a banana seat and big tall handle bars. And who could forget the big round reflectors on the front and back wheels? The 70's were a great time for bike riders.

8. Radio Flyer. This is probably on more lists than you could shake David Letterman at. But I don't think there is a boy on the planet that hasn't wanted a wagon. My grandma bought me my first one for my 9th birthday. I still have it. Still looks like It did when I got it.

7. Converse. Chuck Taylors. If you have to walk, you should look good doing it.

6. Pedal cars. I never actually owned one of these, but there were plenty around to ride, they were great fun, but you couldn't ride them far here, as any stray pebble would stop you in you tracks. we'd goof off with them a little while or pull each other with bicycles,...but we quickly got tired and moved on to other activities.

5. Skateboards. We rode skateboards a lot , mostly in my early teens. During the summer, we could go up the hollow above my house to a hill where the road ended. There was no traffic, and we would ride down the hills. wasn't much tricking going on besides switching feet and wheelies and such, we didnt have room for much of that stuff. There wasn't one of us who didn't wish we were in California at the time, to do some real skating. See "Dogtown and Z-boys", by Stacy Peralta (http://www.sonyclassics.com/dogtown/) for the full story. I also recommend that movie for documentary lovers too, its great.

4. Bigwheels. On the hill previously mentioned, we would ride these little plastic three wheelers. Sliding out at the bottom of the hill was a blast. Wish I could do that just ONCE more. My favorite one was black and silver gray plastic. Iknow what your thinking: "What? It wasn't blue??"

3. 1964 Rambler American. This was technically my second car, but the first car I actually bought with my own hard earned money. It had a flathead six in it, and the interior looked brand new. It was a strange shade of green, it was a sort of sea mist metallic, and everything (including the engine) was this color. I paid 300 dollars for it in the early 80's. I'd give almost anything to get it back.

2. My brother's 1970 Oldsmobile 442. Copper colored with black stripes going down the massive hood scoops, and a 450 horsepower engine. 4 speed manual transmission, Wide Cragar S/S rims all the way around. The first truly fast car I ever got to ride in as a little kid. I've wanted one ever since, but with muscle car prices as they are, I have to be content with the ones I see in the magazine racks at the local grocery store.

1.Trains. I love trains, they are great fun to ride. I've ridden Cass Scenic Railroad here at home, and The Great Smokey Mountains Railway in Tennessee, both great experiences. I've also ridden on a few frieght trains at work, and have even had the chance to drive an old GP-20 locomotive.

And there you have it, my top ten list. It looks to be pretty complete, but who knows, I may come up with something else and have to change it.

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Until next time...

HELP

2006-04-18T22:14:00.000-04:00

Bah. I had this whole post about vintage Sesame Street typed, with some really cool info on cast members and retired muppets and an extremely cool picture of Oscar the Grouch in his original orange fur. But dummy me hits the wrong button and an hour's worth of thought goes bye bye in cyberland. Well, I still have the Oscar pic. But it just ain't the same. I know I know, its "isn't", not "ain't". But ain't fits so much better. Well, let this be a lesson to all you out there in blogger-ville: save your posts as drafts so if the unthinkable happens, you still have your work. Yeah yeah, "Look who's tellin' US to save our work!" If you think thats ironic, wait 'til I start handing out diet tips. This next question has been on the hearts and minds of billions of kids ever since 1969, but I'm sure that at this point, none of them wants to go back worse than I do.

Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Until next time...

'Twas the Day Before Easter

2006-04-16T15:06:00.000-04:00

" 'Twas the day before easter," I said from my chair,
Although no one noticed, not even a hare.
The eggs had been colored, and candies were made,
Soon the Easter Bunny would pass by our way.

The kids will be dressed up in bright pastel hues
(watch out for the boy; He'll get mud on his shoes).
We'd had a late dinner, then I rose to say:
"I'm anxious for Sunday, let's all hit the hay."
I had just settled in to my warm cozy nook,
when the wife heard a noise, and thought I should go look.
I went to the window in my sleepy haze,
I opened the curtains, I pulled up the shade.
This early spring morning the moonlight was bright,
I glanced at the car, and it seemed alright.
When, what with my half asleep eyes did I see?
A 6 foot tall rabbit? Naw... couldn't be.
He had on a straw hat, had a basket as well,
Then I thought at long last, "Its Pete Cottontail!"
He hopped through the back yard, went this way and that,
And the sight of him surely did freak out my cat.
He whistled softly in the bright moonlight glow,
And I knew the tune from the Bugs Bunny show.
He came in the back way and hopped down the hall,
He left the kids baskets he'd bought at the mall.
I hoped he would hurry, and not be a louse,
the wife won't approve a big bunny in the house.
Then into the front room he hopped on his legs,
I guess thats where he'd planned to hide all his eggs.
Then I heard a slight rattle that came from my lair,
and I knew Pete was in the recliner down there.
With hand on the doorknob I turned it around,
and snuck to the den making nary a sound.
He was big and furry, head tail and toe,
I thought: "Getting that dry cleaned would cost some real dough."
His basket of eggs he set down on the floor,
he went back for the Peeps he left by the back door.
From the top of the stairs he didn't seem scary,
but if the wife caught him down there she'd scream "Bloody Mary."
The kids left him carrots in a nice little tin,
I noticed his white teeth as he started to grin.
He had very long ears and fur covered his belly,
He laid beans on the table, I think they were jelly.
The fat jolly rabbit was proud of himself,
I wondered if he knew a certain jolly old elf.
He swept up his traces and wiped all the shelves,
The wife should be happy, he cleaned after himself.
He finished his chore, and then after his work,
started quietly to leave, this guy wasn't a jerk.
Then he lifted a flower to his furry nose
(that gift was the wife's, he'd brought her a rose).
Out in the backyard he started to whistle,
but I lost sight of him in the brambles and thistle.
But he'd given this yell as he hopped out of sight:
"Happy easter to all, and to all a good night!"

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Untill next time...

Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah

2006-04-15T12:29:00.000-04:00

Well, today is a great day. I made a present for a friend who lives in "Bean-town", and got it shipped today. It is a gift that this guy has been scouring the earth after for years. I'm glad I could help him out. Besides, I really enjoyed making it, but I attribute that to one of my buddies from my online game room who hung around with me all night while I got the gift made and artfully decorated. It was a lot of fun staying up all night and chatting (well, all night for me, about 2:30 am on the left coast lol), and I needed to get the gift finished. I haven't stayed up that late because I wanted to in ages. A worthy project, and great company, what more could a guy ask for? And I have all my errands done for the day, so I can sit back and enjoy the sunny (cloudy?) weather. Well, I guess now Flash, Sniffles and I are going to hold hands and skip down the road singing "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah"...
Well, maybe not, but its a nice thought.

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Until next time...

Money for Nothing

2006-04-13T12:16:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm over the halfway hump in this whole vacation thing, and I must say, the closer I get to going back to work, the more I really don't want to. Well, just as it was when I was a kid, I guess all good things must come to an end. At least I will get paid for working. Still, I'm going to miss having the whole day to goof off and web surf. If you get a chance and are a fan of old Warner Bros. cartoons, go visit the Looney Toons site (just search for Looney Toons, which you can do from here now, and you will find it). Theres all sorts of info on classic Bugs, Porky, and Daffy. Not to mention you can watch cartoons there. The full versions, not just snippets. Lots of info on the creators of some of your favorite characters, behind the scenes stories, and links to other cool sites too. I found it interesting to read about some of the edited and banned 'toons. Why they were edited and when, and even some controversy that I wasnt aware of. The wife was glad I found the site. "Thats exactly what you need," she said, "another excuse to watch cartoons all day." She is just mad because they no longer show Rainbow Brite on tv anymore.
I have also been boning up on some of my movie trivia at the internet movie database (imdb.com). Another good site for those of us interested in movie stuff that we might not have known. Internet radio is pretty good too, now that I have sound coming from my computer again. Still, the sound quality isn't that great, but at least I can choose what I want to hear.
Most of the time, I really don't care what I hear, but there are times when I'm a little picky.
I'm sure that will get a good laugh from the wife. Well, just about everything I do these days gets a good laugh out of my wife, but thats another story.

I'm also going to stop posting links at the end of my blogs. I am trying to figure out how to put a link list or blog roll in my sidebar, and the links will return when (if) I figure that out.

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Until next time...

Vacation

2006-04-12T13:54:00.000-04:00

Well, here I am on day three of my vacation. You know, work is way over-rated. Who wants to work when you can stay home and watch the Today show? Or the View? I prefer the courtroom shenanigans of Judge Joe Brown. What a guy, humor and justice all in one show. I'm not so fond of Jerry Springer, but thats because he tricked me into coming on his show only to reveal to me that my sister was cheating on her boyfriend while secretly taping her neighbors mud wrestling with midgets and was posting the images on a website. There was a surprise visit from the midgets, as well as an unknown nun who it turns out was doing the distribution. But I digress.
The soaps are interesting too, but watching them is like watching professional wrestling without all the fun. Maybe I need to get out of the house and do something instead of hanging around in here all day. But let me tell you, being able to lay in the bed as long as I want in the morning is great. Still, there is lots to be done around here. And I wish the wife would come home from work and do it. I need some food, and it won't cook itself! I found this out the hard way. Eww. Don't ask. And then there is the laundry. Eww, continue to not ask. Maybe I can find some motivation online someplace. I doubt it... when I get on the net, everything comes to a standstill. Right now things are going slowly enough. I guess I really don't mind having nothing to do. When I think of all the stuff I do day in and day out the rest of the time, a week of absolute laziness is probably about the best I could ask for. And besides, work was invented for people who don't know how to goof off. And, when it comes to goofing off, I am the KING!
Well, I am for at least 4 more days.

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Until next time...

For more in the way of witty banter, read:
http://www.pointmeister.blogspot.com

And for wit in a handy three panel package read:
http://www.arloandjanis.com

I'm going to Katmandu

2006-04-10T15:08:00.000-04:00

Ahh, I woke up this morning on the first day of my vacation realizing, it was almost afternoon. Well, so much for getting an early start on the festivities of a vacation. And the past 4 hours have been the longest 4 hours I can remember in a long, long time. I am utterly bored. I know what the problem is. No one is yelling for me to get anything done. But I'm sure that will begin again, as soon as the wife comes home. I'd though about taking Flash to the park, maybe give Sniffles a vacation, but the thoughts of chasing a bassett hound around the park all day didnt seem appealing. So, I installed a new vent over my stove in the "slowly being remodeled" kitchen. Well, at least it was progress. Not much of a "time off" activity though. When I was a kid, I had no problem finding things to get into when I had free time. Of course, I spent a lot of time in trouble back then. And besides, the wife gets tired of bailing me out of jail, says it eats into the Christmas funds. So I'm forced to look for something LEGAL to do. I'd like to go fishing, but that would require getting a license and finding my gear,...then going somewhere with water (and thus, fish), then sitting in the sun and being tasted by various insects. Then I thought of woodworking. Thats out because of the whole "working" thing in the name. Maybe I could do "woodloafing" instead. Well, that sounds like just standing outside under a tree, I'd be better off fishing. The wife told me to go fly a kite yesterday, but I'm not sure that was a leisure time suggestion. She was mad because Flash was chasing cars, and accused me of letting him. I flatly denied it, and thought I had won the argument until she pointed out the fact that I was carrying him during the supposeed car chasing. "well," I reasoned, "as short as his legs are, he'd never catch one..."
Well, I guess I could always go four wheeling. I need to get a little mud on my truck anyway.

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Until next time...

For more stories than you can shake a stick at, see Hale at:
http://www.pointmeister.blogspot.com

And a good comic strip is here at:
http://www.arloandjanis.com

Paradise Theatre

2006-04-08T17:22:00.000-04:00

Well, we must be going big time. First, we got a Wal-Mart. now, we have our very own honest to goodness 8 screen cineplex. If I sound a little underwhelmed, ...I guess I am. Don't get me wrong, i'm all for progress, and this will bring a few new jobs our way and help with our local economy, which has been doing well for the last few years. But it just isn't the same. I miss the old theatres here. The Capitol. Logan Theatre. Lobbies full of old movie posters from a bye-gone era. Gone with the Wind,...The Wild Bunch,...Psycho. Hundreds of framed 8x10's filling all the space left over between, above, and below the posters. Bogart, Wayne, Garbo and Davis. Even Roy Rogers and Dale Evans. Head shots of the Lone Ranger, and Tonto, of course. Lon Chaney in a myriad of disguises...you just don't see things like that anymore. Until a few years ago, you could still go to a saturday matinee and see a few old cowboy films, or shirley temple flicks....the old serials, and shorts of all kinds. All for just a few bucks. But when progress comes along, you change or go under. Some of the old guys refused to go with the times, and as much as some people liked the old ways, the new ways seemed more....modern. Hip, if you will. Or radical, or whatever kids these days call the top of the heap. The buildings are still there. Still in use, in fact. One is now "The Coalfield Jamboree", a music house for live entertainment of the local and even national variety. The other is a guy who sells crafts and does taxes. Neither place can hide what the used to be, and at times Ifind myself looking at the buildings,..waiting on dusk when they would light up like a giant christmas tree, lights flashing and marquees surounded with neon lights proclaiming tonight's feature. I remember going there as a kid. Seeing Star Wars, and the Fox and the Hound. And Tron, heck, hundreds of movies. I remember taking my first date out to see "Purple Rain". Not what I would say was my first choice, but hey, back then most of the girls were heavy into Prince, and I was heavy into girls, so it was a no brainer. The last movie I saw in one of those old theatres was "Twister". Actually, now that i think about it, that is the only sad memory I have of the old theatres. Seeing such a lame movie as Twister on my last visit. I'm sure if I knew then that it was going to be my last time there, I'd have waited for a good film. Well, I'm off. There is some film playing with a guy called Gary the Meter Reader or something. I"d rather stay home, I hear there are some old Cagney movies on the classic movie channel, and besides,... my popcorn doesn't cost 5 bucks for a small bucket.

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Until next time...

For the backwoods to big city primer, read Hale's blog at:

http://www.pointmeister.blogspot.com

And for comics at their finest, visit Jimmy at:

http://www.arloandjanis.com

Song of the South

2006-04-07T14:10:00.000-04:00

Well, I just made my wife angry, and she doesn't even know it yet. She will soon though, because when she gets in from work, I'll have to tell her about my most recent ebay purchase. I used to ebay quite a lot in fact, but really haven't bought anything in quite a long time. Over a year, in fact, but I couldn't resist this item, an original copy of Disney's "Song of the South". This copy is supposed to be the original 1946 version, as released to theaters, way before the ban (I think it is pretty damn stupid to ban this film anyway), and before the edited versions which, I would assume, came just before the ban. I haven't seen this film since I was a small child, and can't wait to get it home. It is going to be great. I've already begun looking through old school books with stories from Uncle Remus in them (which I'm sure would also be banned these days), stories like "the tar baby"...sigh. I remember those days too. Doing my reading assignments after school, with the daylight quickly turning to night...sitting in the living room floor or at the kitchen table while the rest of the family goes about thier duties. I loved reading back then, and would usually read several stories ahead in my books, if I hadn't already read them cover to cover. If so, I'd gladly re-read many of those stories. People are so busy trying to protect everyone from everything that they forget that in this country everyone has rights. Well, everyone used to have rights. Now the only people who have rights are those who continually cry about being abused, victimized, wronged, outraged, discriminated against, lied to, stolen from and picked on.
You can't even buy some types of music these days without them being modified. Movies too, and forget about classic tv shows and cartoons. All banned or heavily modified to cater to a small fringe element of idiots in this country who think its their duty to dictate to you and I what we can and cannot do in the sanctity of our own homes. Its sad to think that this used to be the home of the free. Now its the home of the fringe. Well, I for one do not pander to anyone regardless of race, color, religion, sex, or national origin. I dont care if people don't like what I like. Good for them. These people will not tell me what I can have in my video collection, in my book case, or in my cd player. Mountaineers are always free, and this one intends to stay that way.

The man's prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."

Until next time...

For more musings from my main mountaineer:
http://www.pointmeister.blogspot.com

And for art imitating art, see:
http://www.arloandjanis.com

Blackend

2006-04-05T22:26:00.000-04:00

Due to popular request, I have updated my blog :D . I actually thought of just putting that sentence up as a post and leaving it at that, but then the thoughts of facing one of the three people who read it made me think better. I actually enjoy writing this blog. In fact, I wore out the keyboard on my old computer writing it. Ok, maybe it was the fact that I'd done 5 years worth of other types of communication with it too, mainly in the word game that I go to. One of the comments on my last post accused me hove pretending to have a life. I remember life. Trees..., and singing birds..., and frolicking down a grassy hill with my dog, chasing butterflies. Oops, wait a minute, that's "Little House on the Prarie". Geez, I need to stop watching TV Land while doing my writing. These days life consists of work, followed by brief periods of sleep. Lately, my job has been sitting for hours on end and watching various commercial vehicles get loaded with coal, and then bringing a small sample back at the end of the day. the only problem with that is, all the places I go operate on 12 hour shifts. I have to be there before the shift starts, and stay the whole shift. Most of these places are several hours away from where I work, which happens to be about an hour away from where I live. I spend LOTS of time on the road. I have to get my oil changed and the tires on Blackie (thats right, ol' Benny is down and out again) rotated every two weeks. That should give you an idea of how much I drive during the week. I'm also taking courses at the local college, so I guess all my time is taken up wishing I had enough time to do everything I want to do, along with what I actually HAVE to do. And my wife wishes I'd stop rolling around in dirt all day because she is tired of having to remove the ring from the tub every morning before she goes to work. Did I say ring? What I meant was the black hula hoop of solidified coal dirt and grime an inch think and removed only by employing chisels and various power tools. Its been so long that The other evening when I came in, I tried to be quiet...all the lights were off so I knew the wife was asleep. I accidentally bumped the table, making a little noise as I did so,...that was when I heard the growling....I was nervous. But I turned on the light and when the wife saw me, she quit growling and giddily hopped around on the floor, wagging her tail as she did. Shoot, nope, that was Flash, my trusty co-conspiritor in crime. I gotta get more sleep, I'm even stranger than usual, and trust me, that is pretty strange. My cat did hiss at me though. But he does that every day. He has still never let me forget about taking him to the vet. One of my online friends asked me the other day if i tell jokes to my wife, the way I do when I'm in our game room. The answer is yes. She laughs and laughs at them. Actually, most of the laughing happens when I say things like "I want to buy an ATV." That one never fails to get a chuckle. "I really want a new guitar" usually gets a good guffaw or three. The biggest laugh came on easter sunday of last year when I told her "I don't want to go to church, I think I'll go fishing instead." We are a regular Burns and Allen, without all the wrinkles, and in living technicolor. She acquired this sense of humor on a recent trip to the beach. For the first 5 or so years I knew her she didn't have one. And I think the one she found in S.C. was defective. But its a start, and we get along a little better now that she has realized that she too can laugh and have a good time. Well, thats all for now, I have to go get ready for bed, then more work. But if you see a guy at the easter service wearing a lure-laden hat and hip waders sitting in the back row, that would be me. I think I can sneak out when everyone bows in prayer.

The Man's Prayer:
"I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess".

Until next time...

For more manly jokes and yarns from a country boy in the big city, read:
http://www.pointmeister.blogspot.com

And if you like a good dose of modern family life humor in a convenient three panel package,
visit Jimmy Johnson at:
http://www.arloandjanis.com

A Hard Day's Night

2006-02-05T16:57:00.000-05:00

It has indeed been a hard day's night, and yes...I should be sleeping like the proverbial log. I can't sleep however. Not today. Today is the day many football fans wait for, anxiously counting down the days. Yep, its Super Bowl Sunday. This is, I must admit, one of the few sporting events I watch on tv. I just cant seem to be able to stay awake while wading through weeks of preliminaries and such. I want to get right to the gist of it. Show me the biggest, meanest, baddest S.O.B.s in the game and let 'em go at it. I want to see blood and gore and downright cold hearted-ness. Kinda like a midnight madness sale, only a little more subdued. Though I have to admit, I've been a Pittsburgh fan since I was a kid,...heck, after the commercials for Coke and the movie, I thought the Steelers were the coolest thing on the planet. But try as I might, I just didn't have an interest in watching much. Maybe because I figured if I couldn't play I didn't want to watch. Or, I just had other interests. I was into things like skateboarding (tough to do in late 70's early 80's southern West Virginia,...theres not a lot of pavement.) and BMX bikes, and Japanese cartoons. Then came the motorized forms of recreation. But still, when I hear the Steelers are in Super Bowl "Extra Large" I felt a little stir inside me. Something akin to joy, the kind a kid feels on Christmas morn. And now the day is here. Desperate to keep the spirit high here on the couch, i lament that I dont have a "terrible towel". I do however have a can of Pledge. Its yellow, right? couple stripes of black electrical tape and I'm set. Everyone else can have thier terrible towel, I have the "demented duster"! My one and only Steelers shirt is dirty so I cant wear that. I do have a pair of black and yellow polka dotted dress socks (don't ask, you wouldn't believe it) so I'll don those in a hurry. Wife also has a hat with a bunch of bananas,... also yellow right? On it goes. I dont have much black, except for an old "Gene Simmons" chest plate I used to wear for halloween. It kinda glitters, but its black,...so, it also goes on. Well, I just lost the demented duster. Wife saw my outfit and accused me of huffing the contents. Sigh. Anyhoo, I shall see the outcome of the game in the comfort of my home, with nothing to wave but my banana hat. GO STEELERS!

Working for the Weekend

2006-02-01T10:07:00.000-05:00

Well, with my and my wife's work schedule the way it is, housework sometimes falls by the wayside. Actually it looks more like it fell off a cliff. Still, my wife and I got together a little while back and decided that if we each try to do one or two little chores when we come home from work we could keep the house under control and end up with more free time on weekends to do more recreational activities. For example, she would have more time to go shop with her mother and I'd have a little more time to lay around and make snide comments. Making snide comments is one of my favorite hobbies. Other hobbies I enjoy are: napping, eating, and taking more than 10 items through the express check out line. It seems to be working out quite well actually. Although I must admit that it taxes my already spread thin free time. Now when I go to my favorite word game the most I can hope for is to pop in and say "Hi", and glance at the screen every so often as I walk by with the next load of laundry, looking for a funny remark or two. I'm so starved for TV that I actually watched an episode of "American Idol" last night. All I can say is, God must love crazy people, because He certainly has made enough of them. I managed to catch the highlight of "Skating with Celebrities" however: where the one supposedly famous chick did the "half gainer Tarzan swing faceplant", a very difficult trick to stay conscious through. Heck, that girl fell, tripped, did the faceplant,...I was half expecting her to get a body check into the boards by Dave Coulier. May I add that this would add interest to the show,..well, it would add to MY interest in the show. But anyway,.now that I'm basically on the run all week long, my fun quotient has seriously dipped. Even Flash seems to be depressed. Well, maybe that isn't such a good example. Flash, being a Basset Hound, always looks depressed. He actually probably isn't depressed. I'd say "planning a heist" would be more his demeanor. He is always ready to raid the kitchen, and sometimes, I help him. I managed to snag a bunch (15 to be exact) really nice windows to put in the house for $500. A contractor guy I know had them left over from a job or two, and I jumped on them at that price. I now wish I wouldnt have jumped on them though, as it will cost a fourtune to replace all those panes. What a pain. Also on the agenda for the house this year, I am going to level the house up in preparation for the new roof and siding, and I'm going to re-wire and drywall the interior. Always be careful when working with electricity. I remember once as a kid, I shoved a penny into a wall receptacle. The jolt knocked me across the room, and my Dad who was watching said, "You're grounded." Shocking, wasn't it?

Until next time...

Funeral for a Friend

2006-01-30T21:58:00.000-05:00

For some odd reason, many years ago I started to notice an odd coincidence. It seems all the feline friends that I've had the pleasure of knowing have been named after cartoon characters. Some are self explanitory. Pepe le Pew, aka "Pooky"...Garfield, Tom...all well known cartoon characters. I named none of them. My sister was responsible for Pepe's name, although, I can never recall anyone ever calling him that, except when introducing him to new people. "This is Pepe le Pew, but we call him Pooky" was usually how it was done. I got Garfield from a co-worker who planned on sending him to his maker. He too came pre-named. Tom was named by my granny, who at first just referred to him as "that dang tom cat!", which, as she warmed to him became simply, "Tom Cat". Even one of my current four legged co-conspirators was named by someone else and named after a cartoon character, although I can honestly say this one was accidental. yep, Sniffles got his name from his sniffling and sneezing.He seems to have a perpetual cold. He was named by my girlfriend (now the wife ;D ) and although I can see why she gave him the name, I can't help but think of the old Warner Brothers "Merrie Melodies" character Sniffles the mouse. I named Nermal however. I named her that because of the way she acted. "HI! I'm Nermal the CUTEST kitten in the whole wide world!" all the while purring and rubbing on your legs. "Isnt it a lovely day to be petting me? I just adore when others adore me...got any food?"
I found her about 2 summers ago. I was cutting grass in my yard with one of my visiting nephews. He was taking care of the weed whacker on one side, I was manning the lawn mower on the other. The I saw him coming toward me with a puzzled look in his eyes. "Dude," he began, "there is like, a dead cat in your bird bath." To which I said "????". If you need to know how to pronounce that, you say it kind of like "." but with a more questioning tone.Anyway, I ran around to the old birdbath in a corner of my back yard. Sure enough, there was a cat in it. "I'm not sure she's dead, dude." I stated. "She looks asleep to me." "Yeah," he replied"....asleep as a doornail." I could see she was breathing though, and nudged her awake. "Wow?" she said. She said that a lot actually. She was about a year old I guessed, judging by her size. She was missing her top two middle teeth though, and had a black spot on the roof of her mouth. She also had bad breath. I'd wondered if she was sick and some cruel hearted person hed booted her out. I also considered that someone could have been mean to her and she simply ran off, stinky breath and all. Regardless of how it happened, on that day I found myself the owner of the fuzziest birdbath this side of Los Angeles, and I hear there are some fuzzy baths in that neck of the woods. She would sit in the birdbath when the boys and I were outdoors, meowing at us until we went inside, then switching her position to the window mounted ac unit in one of my living room windows, watching us from her perch and giving the occasional "Meow? Wow?" if we ventured close enough to the window. The wife was dead set against another cat. I tried to tell her that I didn't bring her here, she just kind of showed up one day. The wife didnt believe me. I told her I wasnt feeding her, I just kind of petted her and meowed at her a few times and that was it. I told her that when she got tired of us, she would go home. If she had a home. After a week or so, however, the wife got worried that she didnt have food or water. I imagine Nermal, rubbing around her legs and going "Meow?meow?meow?meow?" as she walked to the car at 5 am didn't hurt her chances either. I called her Nermal after the self proclaimed "cutest kitten in the world" and Garfield's nephew from the comic strip. Sniffles wasn't thrilled. With Nermal being female and him being something like a male cat, we promptly shipped them both out to the vet. Nermal couldn't have cared less, while trying to get Sniffles into the cat carrier was akin to trying to shove a pissed off elephant through a telephone booth. Sure, its possible to shove a pissed off elephant through a phone booth, but after that first attempt, why would you try again? I had no answer either, and after a few hours of shoving, growling, hissing, spitting, and more than a few evil looks, Sniffles was ready to go. I still see him looking at me funny sometimes. Anyway, they came through that all right and all was ok for awhile. Then the weather started getting colder. Before I knew it, the wife brought Nermal indoors. "She'll freeze!" the wife kept imploring. "She is covered in fur!" I yelled back. But I lost this round too. Flash liked her, because she would chase him (his favorite game) and would lay in the floor and nap with him (sleeping being his second favorite game). Sniffles put up with her outside, but this was another story, first we strip him of his cat-hood and now we bring another cat into his house? He was not amused. But they at least tolerated each other. Still Nermal was sensitive, and she wouldnt let you touch her stomach at all, acted as though it hurt. And lately, she began getting sick a lot...and we had to put her back out because we simply couldnt keep the house clean with our work schedules as they are. He mom took her to her garage to stay until we could get her to the vet. He gave her some medicines for a blockage she had in her stomach, and some antibiotics. But she began to not eat. Could barely force feed her, and after awhile even that didnt work, as she was too weak to swallow. She peacefully passed away this morning. She was about 2 1/2 years old by my estimation. She was also a good cat. I'll miss her, but I know that somewhere, she is in her favorite place,...snoozing on someone's lap, enjoying the occasional scratch behind the ear,and I am happy for her. After all, she deserves nothing less.

Merry Christmas

2005-12-24T19:33:00.000-05:00

To all my friends, a very merry Christmas to you and your family, and the happiest of New Years.

"Buried under snow, with my basset hound Jose,
Past the gaurds we go, barfing all the way!
Swedish tenors sing, guzzling miller light,
Oh what fun to gargle Brut by Faberge tonight!

JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS,
JINGLE ALL THE WAY!
OH WHAT FUN TO HOUSEBREAK ANTS
ON THE ROAD TO MANDALAY...HEY!

JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS,
JINGLE ALL THE WAY!
OH WHAT FUN TO DRESS IN DRAG
IN A '60 CHEVROLET!

Until next time..

So This is Christmas

2005-12-15T10:25:00.000-05:00

I was driving home from work today, in a sleet/snow/rain mix. It was pretty cold, and I was pretty tired and ina rush to get home to, well, go to sleep. At the mouth of the little hollow I live in, I saw this ol' boy hitching a ride. He was rather dishevelled, and looked to be down on his luck. No, scratch that, this guy was downright poor. He was wearing Ill fitting, dirty clothes, and was leaning on a cane. Certainly a pitiful sight, a sight which made me think of a few things. This is a time of year when charity and kindness can mean so much to folks who need it, those whose only goal during the holiday season is warmth and shelter to survive the cold winter nights, and food to get them through the day. Even for those lucky enought to have some type of home, winter can be hard to survive. Many folks who have steady jobs (and may even have two or more earners in the household) find it a struggle to make ends meet. These ends are even farther apart during the winter holiday season. This guy made me think about poor folks, but I also thought about folks who have it a little easier. the folks who work hard everyday for what they have, which, while not much, always seems like enough to get them through. These folks try to help out others not only at Christmas time, but all through the year. I thought about the times my wife and/or I have given to local organizations, as well as the larger more familiar charities (you know the one, with the bright red bucket and the little hand bell who stand outside Wal-Mart and get mad if you try to make change out of the donations).
I feel better thinking about giving, and thinking about the true meaning of Christmas and the holiday season. It is good to know that there is still a little goodness left in the hearts of men and women. And it is also good to understand the holiday joy that you get from doing for others. This is the true reason for the Christmas spirit that many folks live with, and pass on to others, all year long. All that thought from some guy who needed a ride in bad weather.

And now, as I sit here in my comfy computer chair, surrounded by beloved pets and presents and food and warmth I cant help but hope...

I hope that that guy caught a ride. Like I said, it was cold and rainy/snowy/sleety, and I wasn't about to stop in that kind of weather. Hey, I said I understood the Christmas spirit, but I never said I had any.

Until next time...

For more on Christmas and all things interesting, check out Hale at:
http://www.pointmeister.blogspot.com

Beasts of Burden

2005-11-30T20:06:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm not sure if Benny is going to come out of his mess in one piece, but all may not be lost,..I found another cheap truck, a 1994 S-10 (Benny's older brother lol) and between the two of them I may be able to get some decent transportation happening. And speaking of transportation, today I went and gathered samples from barges Near Ashland Ky, and a few random train cars in Wheelersburg, Oh. I cross the river in several locations along I-64, as well as crossing over into Ohio, and I must say, those tug boats are wild. Having the opportunity to watch these odd looking vessels from the shore, I am convinced that the guy who invented them was a genius. Or, he was on some major drugs. To see such a large boat (ok, generally tugs arent considered large, but considering the size of some of the waterways I've seen them operate in, they are absolutely huge) doing its thing is spellbinding. I mean, to watch a craft drift by you sideways, only to head back in the other direction, spin, stop, back up, and then speed away reminds me of having way too good of a time at the local watering hole. Everything is normal at the start of the evening but by the time you are ready to hail a cab people who you can ordinarily understand are now suddenly speaking fluent chinese, and your coat is laughing at you. yep, these boats do things in the water that would almost seem imopossible. actually, its not quite hard to understand the boat doing these thing on its own, but when you toss 6 or 8 loaded barges with a few hundred tons of coal in them and see these nimble boats shove them around like a bully collecting milk money, you gain a certain amount of respect for the designers of these crafts. trains are equally amazing to me. The tractive effort generated by a locomotive is amazing. Even more amazing is the fact that these locos (as they are called) generate traction at all, having steel wheels on steel rail, you'd thing they would never be able to move themselves, much less a bunch of loaded coal cars. I guess a sprinkling of sand doesnt hurt, but it isn't absolutely necessary for traction, as I've seen coal company locos shove empties and loads all over the staging yards without the first hint of sand, except maybe for the sand in the shorts of one particular load-out operator who shall remain nameless. Got to be one of the "ornriest" (as granny says) old guys to ever don a pair of coveralls. For any kid who played with a toy train as a child and loved (or kept it up to adulthood), the job of "load-out operator" is the dream job. Basically the give you a 1:1 scale locomotive (life size lol) which you control completely by remote, and a bunch of railroad cars, and you play all day. Geez, I need to get into that racket. Of course, my job isn't too bad of late. Heck, I used to come home blacker than a coal miner, but the last few weeks I've spent so much time on the road that I haven't had time to get dirty. After picking up and delivering my samples, I'm sent right back out on the road. Bad for Black Diamond, my Ford Ranger and her warranty, but good for the pocketbook. Well, the wife's pocketbook. I don't have one. At least, for all that you know I don't. But I digress. I guess I can't complain about my job. No matter how bad it seems sometimes (who is happy at work 100% of the time??), overall I have a great job. It beats digging ditches or scrubbing out septic tanks. But it is very hard on a vehicle. Just ask Benny. All you need is a ouija board, a few psychic friends (or Dionne Warwick herself) and perhaps a voodoo priestess. More to follow.

Untill next time...

Wheel in the Sky

2005-11-28T20:21:00.000-05:00

All you car guys will relate to this one:

Well, I know I've declared this before, but this time its serious. I'm afraid Benny may be done for. For those of you who don't know who Benny is, I'll elaborate. Benny is one of my trucks, a 1997 Chevrolet S-10 to be exact. And this morning, while on the way to Sidney Kentucky, his engine finally gave way. While going up a steep hill on the interstate, I began to notice a major loss of power. A quick check of of the rear view mirror revealed billowing clouds of bluish white smoke. That was a sure sign of a gasket, either a head gasket or an intake manifold gasket, had ruptured, sending fluids not only onto the exhaust (a major cause of smoking vehicles), but also sent its toxic martini into the inner most workings of the engine (A quick note to my buddy point who bought his Sonoma largely on my recommendation: after 100k, these trucks will rupture an intake manifold gasket, it relates to a poor gasket design and the DexCoolIII coolant, both are bad on this model of truck's engine,...use regular antifreeze in your truck to avoid Benny's fate). Coolant and water have a use with internal combustion engines, but there are places inside there that were never meant to have DexCoolIII pouring over them. I can only hope that after some major reconstructive surgery, ol' Benny will be ok. Chances are, however, that he has travelled his last mile on the automotive road of life. I'll miss Benny. He was, out of the multitude of vehichles I've owned, one, if not THE, most favorite. he was the first 4X4 that I'd ever bought. We had a lot of fun together. And, I spent more time in him than in any other vehichle I've ever owned. Still, nothing lasts forever, and in life (and vehichle ownership) there comes a time when we must say goodbye whether we want to or not. Maybe all is not lost. After all, Benny has had his bad days before and pulled through. And while I love Benny for all we've been through together, good times and bad, work and play, I can't stay in the past forever. I have bills to pay, and like any good band can tell you, the show must go on. If I can't get him going again, I will buy another S-10 of similar make and model and poor Benny will become a donor. I'll harvest all his useful bits and use them so that in the future, other S-10's may live on, and I will keep him fondly in my memory as not only a faithful servant, but as a hard working peer in the rough coal mining industry,... a willing and able friend, always there when the water got deep or the roads turned muddy and slick. he has never left me stranded in the middle of nowhere. Don't get me wrong, he has broken down quite a few times, but he always got me out of the mountain first...always took me back to safety before he laid down to await proper treatment. I wont turn my back on him, but, if he can't be saved, I'll make sure that I,..in fact, that NO ONE will ever forget the mighty Benny Hillclimber. Tonight I'll hoist one to your health old buddy, and pray that if you can't get better, that your existance would not have been in vain.

ALL HAIL BENNY HILLCLIMBER, MAY HE RUST IN PEACE.

Until next time...